22 weeks, 2 days
We went through genetic counseling at the NJ Perinatal Association at around week 16. The genetic counselor asked us about our health and that of our families. My family is fairly healthy as far as genetic defects go. Griffin's family had very little that was noteworthy as well. Despite my 'advanced age' it seemed like we have very little chance of having a baby with any genetically inherited defects.
I am one of the healthiest people I know. I have never suffered from allergies, in fact I only started getting poison ivy when I was 31. It was a shock to me to have these itchy, red bumps on my hand after spending the day weeding in our yard. This was a week before we were going to get married and my fingers swelled so much that it was a bit of a struggle to get my wedding ring on at the ceremony. (On the other hand, my brother can get poison ivy if he sees a photo of it in a gardening magazine.)
I rarely get sick anymore: mostly just the sniffles every September when I return to work, but that's about it. High schools are very germy places and teaching computer graphics means I end up touching equipment that sick, snotty kids were touching. Other than that, I tend to stay healthy all year.
I have low blood pressure, a strong heart, the only operations I have ever had were getting my wisdom teeth taken out and the four D&C's. When I fill out the questionnaire you get when you go to a new doctor, I hardly read the 'do you suffer from' categories as I check no, no, no, no all the way down the line.
So, it really came as a shock to me when I remembered one night that I am carrying around a genetic defect. We were watching a DVD of Nip/Tuck when it hit me. One of the characters was having a child with ectrodactyly, otherwise known as lobster claw syndrome. It's a disorder that affects the hands and feet whereby the digits are either missing or fused, creating a claw-like appearance. Griffin and I chatted during the show about it, nothing of consequence.
Then the topic of my cute, little toes came up. I love my feet. They are, in my opinion, some of the most attractive female feet I have ever seen. My toes are cute, not long and monkey-like. I have friends whose feet look like an extra set of hands. I swear they could toss pasta salad and cut tomatoes with them. That is just freaky!
My toes are cute and small looking because I have syndactyly, in other words, I have webbed toes. My second and third toes on both feet are webbed 2/3 the way up. The bones are not fused, just the skin. It makes for very petite looking toes. Most people don't notice them unless I point it out, including the few women who have given me pedicures.
Specifically, what I have is syndactyly type I. It is a genetically inherited disorder. The gene that carries it is a dominant, non-sex related gene. This means that Piper has a 50% chance of having it too. It can affect the feet or hands or both. It is usually the ring and middle fingers that are fused on the hand and second and third toes on the foot. So, would I care if she have two toes fused like her momma? No, of course not. I love my toes. Would I care if she had two fused fingers? Well, yes.
I guess at this point we will not know if she has it until she is born. My parents never made a big deal of it in me. In fact, if my memory serves me, I don't think my parents even knew I had it until I pointed it out to them. I wanted to know when I would get "my toes cut apart like everyone else's". I think I was real little at the time, about five or so. I distinctly remember asking my mother that. She looked at my toes and told me there was nothing wrong with them. I don't think she was really looking at them. I just assumed everyone had been born with toes attached together, since I had never seen anyone else with my kind of toes, and that at some point everyone had them cut apart. It didn't occur to me that I could be different from everyone else.
As I grew up, I learned to love my toes for their weirdness. When you are a teenager you spend a lot of time talking about what makes you freaky or different. Most people had minor things like claiming to be double-jointed or that they could lick their nose. But, when I whipped out my webbed toes, I got respect! Or something like that. I was extra-freaky, which went a long way in the crowd I ran with. Weird = good.
As an adult, I am happy to have cute little toes that look nice in sandals and hopping around bare-foot. (I can't wait to be barefoot and pregnant when the weather gets warm!) As a future parent, I am just a little worried about my cute-toe syndrome being passed on to our child especially if it means webbed fingers.
There is no point in worrying about it now, I know that. But sometimes I can't help myself and Google a little. It's just what I do. I know that for the most part, if this shows up on her hands, it can be easily fixed with an operation that entails taking a bit of skin from the groin to allow the fingers to be cut apart and separated. It can be done at 12 to 18 months with little ill effects. The main reason I would have it done, and so early, is so that she would not lose any dexterity that would inhibit her from becoming a great artist, piano player or flipper of the 'bird'.
If her toes are fused, I imagine we will not do anything. And when she asks me about her cute, webbed toes, I can tell her she has toes just like her momma and that 'freaky' runs in our family.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Making the Move
22 Weeks, 1 day.
We met with the certified nurse midwife yesterday. Our appointment was at her home office and of course we arrived early. She didn't mind, invited us in and we sat down in a cozy room. She asked a couple of basic questions: where we lived, my due date, what week I was in and confirmed that we were looking to have a home birth.
Then she asked us if we had questions for her. I didn't know where to start, so she did. She practiced originally as a labor and delivery nurse starting in 1986 and then began doing home birthing in 1997 after going to midwifery school and doing an internship. She has delivered over 700 babies and assisted with another 1100 births.
She told us about her track record for home births. With her first time mothers have a 10% transfer rate to a hospital. That is pretty good, I had read it was 25% on average. She has never needed to do a transfusion for a mother although she could. She told us about her experience with different situations and what she would do. Her level of knowledge and confidence really made me feel comfortable. An OB would never do this - they wouldn't be expected to defend themselves and prove that they would be a good doctor for you.
She asked us to tell her about the pregnancy and what we were looking for in a birthing experience and why. I told her about the miscarriages and who we were currently seeing for care. I told her that I wanted to be home with my family included, if they want to be. I said I would like to invite my mother and father-in-laws and my brother and sister-in-law. (I think my brother would jump out of his skin, but I would invite him anyhow.) I said I wanted it to be fully natural and not be rushed. I didn't want things to spin out of control, which I think happens in hospitals far too often. She nodded a lot and asked questions that ensured me that she was listening to what I was saying and not just planning on what to say next.
She told us that she could do all of the prenatal care from here on out and we wouldn't need to continue going to the OB or perinatal group. She said she is affiliated with an OB in Morristown if we do run into any problems before 37 weeks. I told her that we had one more appointment in 5 weeks at the perinatal group for an ultrasound to check for growth. She said it wasn't necessary for us to continue to have ultrasounds and that the development of the baby could be palpated at this point. I wondered why my OB never did that.
I don't really have a problem leaving the OBs, frankly, I am glad to leave them. There are 3 doctors there and although they are very nice, they don't know me from Adam. In fact, they have gotten our due date wrong several times and keep asking the same questions about the previous miscarriages over and over even though this is all in my chart. The only thing they do every 4 weeks is check my blood pressure, weight, check my urine for protein and sugar, check the fetal heartbeat and then send me on my way. It always seems like a waste of time for us.
On the other hand, the perinatal group does all of the ultrasounds. It's wonderful getting to see Piper moving around inside me. They usually print out a few pictures for us to take home. Since we have now 'graduated' and don't need to be seen every two weeks, it seems like this is just going to be a novelty to keep seeing her through ultrasounds.
Now we have to decide whether we will go to the scheduled ultrasound appointment. The midwife said we didn't need to, but she didn't say we couldn't go. It's up to us. Griffin and I talked about it afterwords. He said he would be fine going one more time. The real question is whether he would be fine not going one more time. That is the question.
I have read over and over that ultrasounds in the third trimester are not necessary unless there is a problem, but we like the ultrasounds. It's so cool to see her and not just feel her inside me. I believe the next ultrasound would be our last one anyhow, so how could one more hurt? Do we care that it is unnecessary? Maybe this is why health insurance costs so much. Well, we have time to think about it.
We talked for almost an hour with the midwife. She asked questions, we asked questions and I felt like I knew more about her in one hour than I know about the OB I have been seeing for the last 2 years. It's a much more personal experience.
We told her that we were considering a waterbirth and she said she does a lot of them. She explained what we would need to get and how the logistics would work. It seemed to be pretty much as I had read.
I asked her again if she thought we were good candidates for home birth and she agreed. She said it's not for everyone and she can usually tell after speaking with a couple whether it is a good option for them. She said she would not take on anyone for home birthing that she thought could not handle it or if it would be too risky for mother and child.
Finally she told us that we would need to get a copy of my records from my OB's office. I thought about how fat my chart now was: filled with information about failed pregnancies. It also has all of the information from the NJ Perinatal Association. So much stuff that we want to put behind us. My only fear is telling the OB that we don't want to use them anymore. I don't know why that scares me. When we were there last time and I asked about a midwife, I could almost see the hackles going up on the doctor. They can't say 'no', can they?
We left the appointment feeling really positive about the whole thing. I asked Griffin if I sounded like a nut talking to her and he reassured me that I didn't. My reasons for wanting a home birth are equal parts emotional and logical. The thought of going to the hospital to deliver Piper makes my skin crawl. The last 4 times I was in a hospital was to have another failed pregnancy removed. I don't associate hospitals with anything good. Hospitals are where you go if you are sick, I am not sick. I am going to have a baby!
We met with the certified nurse midwife yesterday. Our appointment was at her home office and of course we arrived early. She didn't mind, invited us in and we sat down in a cozy room. She asked a couple of basic questions: where we lived, my due date, what week I was in and confirmed that we were looking to have a home birth.
Then she asked us if we had questions for her. I didn't know where to start, so she did. She practiced originally as a labor and delivery nurse starting in 1986 and then began doing home birthing in 1997 after going to midwifery school and doing an internship. She has delivered over 700 babies and assisted with another 1100 births.
She told us about her track record for home births. With her first time mothers have a 10% transfer rate to a hospital. That is pretty good, I had read it was 25% on average. She has never needed to do a transfusion for a mother although she could. She told us about her experience with different situations and what she would do. Her level of knowledge and confidence really made me feel comfortable. An OB would never do this - they wouldn't be expected to defend themselves and prove that they would be a good doctor for you.
She asked us to tell her about the pregnancy and what we were looking for in a birthing experience and why. I told her about the miscarriages and who we were currently seeing for care. I told her that I wanted to be home with my family included, if they want to be. I said I would like to invite my mother and father-in-laws and my brother and sister-in-law. (I think my brother would jump out of his skin, but I would invite him anyhow.) I said I wanted it to be fully natural and not be rushed. I didn't want things to spin out of control, which I think happens in hospitals far too often. She nodded a lot and asked questions that ensured me that she was listening to what I was saying and not just planning on what to say next.
She told us that she could do all of the prenatal care from here on out and we wouldn't need to continue going to the OB or perinatal group. She said she is affiliated with an OB in Morristown if we do run into any problems before 37 weeks. I told her that we had one more appointment in 5 weeks at the perinatal group for an ultrasound to check for growth. She said it wasn't necessary for us to continue to have ultrasounds and that the development of the baby could be palpated at this point. I wondered why my OB never did that.
I don't really have a problem leaving the OBs, frankly, I am glad to leave them. There are 3 doctors there and although they are very nice, they don't know me from Adam. In fact, they have gotten our due date wrong several times and keep asking the same questions about the previous miscarriages over and over even though this is all in my chart. The only thing they do every 4 weeks is check my blood pressure, weight, check my urine for protein and sugar, check the fetal heartbeat and then send me on my way. It always seems like a waste of time for us.
On the other hand, the perinatal group does all of the ultrasounds. It's wonderful getting to see Piper moving around inside me. They usually print out a few pictures for us to take home. Since we have now 'graduated' and don't need to be seen every two weeks, it seems like this is just going to be a novelty to keep seeing her through ultrasounds.
Now we have to decide whether we will go to the scheduled ultrasound appointment. The midwife said we didn't need to, but she didn't say we couldn't go. It's up to us. Griffin and I talked about it afterwords. He said he would be fine going one more time. The real question is whether he would be fine not going one more time. That is the question.
I have read over and over that ultrasounds in the third trimester are not necessary unless there is a problem, but we like the ultrasounds. It's so cool to see her and not just feel her inside me. I believe the next ultrasound would be our last one anyhow, so how could one more hurt? Do we care that it is unnecessary? Maybe this is why health insurance costs so much. Well, we have time to think about it.
We talked for almost an hour with the midwife. She asked questions, we asked questions and I felt like I knew more about her in one hour than I know about the OB I have been seeing for the last 2 years. It's a much more personal experience.
We told her that we were considering a waterbirth and she said she does a lot of them. She explained what we would need to get and how the logistics would work. It seemed to be pretty much as I had read.
I asked her again if she thought we were good candidates for home birth and she agreed. She said it's not for everyone and she can usually tell after speaking with a couple whether it is a good option for them. She said she would not take on anyone for home birthing that she thought could not handle it or if it would be too risky for mother and child.
Finally she told us that we would need to get a copy of my records from my OB's office. I thought about how fat my chart now was: filled with information about failed pregnancies. It also has all of the information from the NJ Perinatal Association. So much stuff that we want to put behind us. My only fear is telling the OB that we don't want to use them anymore. I don't know why that scares me. When we were there last time and I asked about a midwife, I could almost see the hackles going up on the doctor. They can't say 'no', can they?
We left the appointment feeling really positive about the whole thing. I asked Griffin if I sounded like a nut talking to her and he reassured me that I didn't. My reasons for wanting a home birth are equal parts emotional and logical. The thought of going to the hospital to deliver Piper makes my skin crawl. The last 4 times I was in a hospital was to have another failed pregnancy removed. I don't associate hospitals with anything good. Hospitals are where you go if you are sick, I am not sick. I am going to have a baby!
Friday, January 29, 2010
A Good Daddy
22 Weeks
Being pregnant is an interesting state to be in. Your body changes shape, you feel the little spud growing inside, people smile at you knowingly and you are so much more aware of the happy, little things in life. Pregnancy can also leave you feeling angry, helpless and broken when it doesn't go well. There is very little a woman can do to help a failing pregnancy. When I knew last summer that I was going to lose the baby, but still had to carry it around for a few more days that turned into weeks it was sheer torture. Joy and pain in one melon-sized package.
For a woman, pregnancy is something that is experienced every moment. The deep connection between mother and child is due, not in small part, to the actual physical connection. I am at the stage where I feel Piper move on a regular basis. I know that she will jump around when I eat something sweet and nap when I am walking or driving. I am always aware that I am carrying her around with me.
When I woke up this morning there was a big lump bumping out on the left side of my belly. Hard and round it was probably her head. It was really weird, a little scary and yet very exciting. I have had dreams about being able to 'see' her through my skin, but this was the first time I could see it for real. As I got moving the lump flattened out, so I suppose she moved into a more normal position. I didn't tell Griffin about it because I got wrapped up in my day shortly after coming downstairs.
As Piper's movements have been getting stronger, I have been trying to get Griffin to feel them. Often, when we are parked on the loveseat watching a movie, I ask him if he wants to feel my belly. He has felt her move, but not that many times yet. However, I have felt her move on the outside of my belly so hard that my hand has bounced. Perhaps she knows the difference between our touches?
Griffin seems more and more excited about the pregnancy and the offspring to come. When we first started dating he told me that he wanted to have a family. He said that he wouldn't even consider seriously dating someone that didn't want children. He was really looking forward to being a father. I wanted to have a child or maybe two at that time, but it was for more abstract reasons - in my mind it seemed like an interesting experiment. What did I know? I had never experienced motherhood and I had never been pregnant.
When we decided a few years ago that it was a good time to have a family my body wasn't cooperating. After the great joy and then loss of the last pregnancy we started to become very shaky about the idea altogether. The heartbreak of the last loss was so great that Griffin told me he didn't want to try again. I wanted to try one more time.
So here we are at a very successful 22 weeks and I can see that Griffin is becoming more reassured about the future success of this pregnancy. Now we discuss our ideas and ideals about pregnancy, delivery and parenting on a daily basis. Early on during this pregnancy, we didn't talk about any of that. We were playing the 'wait and see' game. I knew he was excited about the prospect of finally having a baby, but the last pregnancy and the disappointment that ensued really seems to have scarred him.
I can't imagine how helpless he felt during that last month. When we found out that things were going poorly, I did what I always do in such dire situations: try to find a way to fix it. Griffin was much more accepting of the loss than I was. He listened to me when I told him about the few options I thought we had, but he did his own research on PROM and did not like what he found.
In the past, we had had discussions about whether it was morally right to bring a baby into the world who would have a short or painful life due to illness. I have always taken the stance that life is hard enough for a 'normal' person, I wouldn't want to knowingly bring a child into this world who's entire existence would be filled with suffering. Griffin didn't entirely agree back then, but time changes a person.
When we were doing research on the effects of PROM on a fetus that was carried for as long as possible we found out that the potential complications were horrible: placental abruption, extreme prematurity, severe learning problems, little or no lung development and intrauterine growth restriction. The low amniotic fluid was already preventing the baby from moving and it was just a curled up ball on all of those last few ultrasounds. I never got to feel it move inside me like this.
On the other hand, I also read a few stories where the baby ended up being okay after several months or years of medical assistance. I became torn and started to doubt that ending the pregnancy was the right choice. The doctors all emphasized the strong likelihood of developing an infection in the amniotic sac and getting very sick or dying and then losing the baby anyhow. This was just more grim news for me to consider. In the end it was the right choice, but it wasn't really a choice at all. It was something that had to be done. Griffin had the strength to let go of his baby and with his strong and gentle heart he helped me survive through it, too. This is what any good daddy would do.
So, here we are at pregnancy number five and for the first time Griffin is getting the chance to feel his child bumping around inside me. He seems very excited and nervous at the same time. I know he is nervous about the next 18 weeks going well, but don't think he is so nervous about the next 18 years going well. He has confidence in his ability to adapt and learn, so do I.
We have been together over seven years and I have come to know many aspects about Griffin that will make him a great father. I grew up with a father that never wanted any children, much less to have a girl child. He had told me so at a very young age and that harsh fact has stayed with me all my days. So Griffin is already well on the way to being a great father, just by wanting to be a father.
Griffin has also changed a lot in these last seven years. When I met him, he was eager to cook for me (I am a vegetarian), he was trying to take the easiest, 'nicest' route for 'training' his puppy (which wasn't really training her at all) and he hadn't made anything truly creative since he was in elementary school. As we have grown together, he has learned that it is easier to let me do the cooking and have him clean up, that dogs crave discipline and training and love knowing that they are doing the right thing to please us (I think kids are the same way) and he is now an amazing artist with a beautifully creative mind.
I admire so much about Griffin, but I think it is his desire to create that I admire most. He is now taking a sculpture class at my old college. It's just for fun, but maintaining the motivation to take an evening course at a school 45 minutes away is not always fun. Besides, making art for art's sake is not easy. It takes self-discipline and dedication. (Of course, he works from home which also takes self-discipline and dedication, but he gets paid to do that.) These are two qualities that are very important in a father. I think my father had a lot of self-discipline, but very little dedication, at least to his children.
The plans we have been making for delivery and child-rearing are not based on ease and convenience for us. After all, it would be easier to just have a regular hospital delivery with our OB, buy baby formula, use disposable diapers, push her around in a stroller, tell her that Santa is watching and that all good people go to heaven. It would be easier, but I don't think it would be better. Not for us. Not after all of the reading I have done. I could never turn a blind eye to all I have learned and do things the 'easy way' now. It will take a lot of self-discipline and dedication to stick to our plans.
Griffin has gotten totally on board with everything I have been suggesting. I send him links to different articles and ask for his opinion. It's amazing how much information is out in cyberspace. I find it hard to believe that everyone isn't raising their children the way we plan to. It is all so logical and sensible on so many levels: good for the child and good for the planet.
There are many other aspects about Griffin which prove to me that he will be a good daddy. These are the qualities one would expect all good fathers to possess: he is loving, gentle, hard-working, kind to others, follows his heart and always tries to do what is right. He has a strong sense of morality and the will to carry through on his convictions. But, knowing that he is strong enough to be able to let go of his own baby when that pregnancy was failing and that he is now brave enough to love his new baby growing inside me is really all the proof I need.
Being pregnant is an interesting state to be in. Your body changes shape, you feel the little spud growing inside, people smile at you knowingly and you are so much more aware of the happy, little things in life. Pregnancy can also leave you feeling angry, helpless and broken when it doesn't go well. There is very little a woman can do to help a failing pregnancy. When I knew last summer that I was going to lose the baby, but still had to carry it around for a few more days that turned into weeks it was sheer torture. Joy and pain in one melon-sized package.
For a woman, pregnancy is something that is experienced every moment. The deep connection between mother and child is due, not in small part, to the actual physical connection. I am at the stage where I feel Piper move on a regular basis. I know that she will jump around when I eat something sweet and nap when I am walking or driving. I am always aware that I am carrying her around with me.
When I woke up this morning there was a big lump bumping out on the left side of my belly. Hard and round it was probably her head. It was really weird, a little scary and yet very exciting. I have had dreams about being able to 'see' her through my skin, but this was the first time I could see it for real. As I got moving the lump flattened out, so I suppose she moved into a more normal position. I didn't tell Griffin about it because I got wrapped up in my day shortly after coming downstairs.
As Piper's movements have been getting stronger, I have been trying to get Griffin to feel them. Often, when we are parked on the loveseat watching a movie, I ask him if he wants to feel my belly. He has felt her move, but not that many times yet. However, I have felt her move on the outside of my belly so hard that my hand has bounced. Perhaps she knows the difference between our touches?
Griffin seems more and more excited about the pregnancy and the offspring to come. When we first started dating he told me that he wanted to have a family. He said that he wouldn't even consider seriously dating someone that didn't want children. He was really looking forward to being a father. I wanted to have a child or maybe two at that time, but it was for more abstract reasons - in my mind it seemed like an interesting experiment. What did I know? I had never experienced motherhood and I had never been pregnant.
When we decided a few years ago that it was a good time to have a family my body wasn't cooperating. After the great joy and then loss of the last pregnancy we started to become very shaky about the idea altogether. The heartbreak of the last loss was so great that Griffin told me he didn't want to try again. I wanted to try one more time.
So here we are at a very successful 22 weeks and I can see that Griffin is becoming more reassured about the future success of this pregnancy. Now we discuss our ideas and ideals about pregnancy, delivery and parenting on a daily basis. Early on during this pregnancy, we didn't talk about any of that. We were playing the 'wait and see' game. I knew he was excited about the prospect of finally having a baby, but the last pregnancy and the disappointment that ensued really seems to have scarred him.
I can't imagine how helpless he felt during that last month. When we found out that things were going poorly, I did what I always do in such dire situations: try to find a way to fix it. Griffin was much more accepting of the loss than I was. He listened to me when I told him about the few options I thought we had, but he did his own research on PROM and did not like what he found.
In the past, we had had discussions about whether it was morally right to bring a baby into the world who would have a short or painful life due to illness. I have always taken the stance that life is hard enough for a 'normal' person, I wouldn't want to knowingly bring a child into this world who's entire existence would be filled with suffering. Griffin didn't entirely agree back then, but time changes a person.
When we were doing research on the effects of PROM on a fetus that was carried for as long as possible we found out that the potential complications were horrible: placental abruption, extreme prematurity, severe learning problems, little or no lung development and intrauterine growth restriction. The low amniotic fluid was already preventing the baby from moving and it was just a curled up ball on all of those last few ultrasounds. I never got to feel it move inside me like this.
On the other hand, I also read a few stories where the baby ended up being okay after several months or years of medical assistance. I became torn and started to doubt that ending the pregnancy was the right choice. The doctors all emphasized the strong likelihood of developing an infection in the amniotic sac and getting very sick or dying and then losing the baby anyhow. This was just more grim news for me to consider. In the end it was the right choice, but it wasn't really a choice at all. It was something that had to be done. Griffin had the strength to let go of his baby and with his strong and gentle heart he helped me survive through it, too. This is what any good daddy would do.
So, here we are at pregnancy number five and for the first time Griffin is getting the chance to feel his child bumping around inside me. He seems very excited and nervous at the same time. I know he is nervous about the next 18 weeks going well, but don't think he is so nervous about the next 18 years going well. He has confidence in his ability to adapt and learn, so do I.
We have been together over seven years and I have come to know many aspects about Griffin that will make him a great father. I grew up with a father that never wanted any children, much less to have a girl child. He had told me so at a very young age and that harsh fact has stayed with me all my days. So Griffin is already well on the way to being a great father, just by wanting to be a father.
Griffin has also changed a lot in these last seven years. When I met him, he was eager to cook for me (I am a vegetarian), he was trying to take the easiest, 'nicest' route for 'training' his puppy (which wasn't really training her at all) and he hadn't made anything truly creative since he was in elementary school. As we have grown together, he has learned that it is easier to let me do the cooking and have him clean up, that dogs crave discipline and training and love knowing that they are doing the right thing to please us (I think kids are the same way) and he is now an amazing artist with a beautifully creative mind.
I admire so much about Griffin, but I think it is his desire to create that I admire most. He is now taking a sculpture class at my old college. It's just for fun, but maintaining the motivation to take an evening course at a school 45 minutes away is not always fun. Besides, making art for art's sake is not easy. It takes self-discipline and dedication. (Of course, he works from home which also takes self-discipline and dedication, but he gets paid to do that.) These are two qualities that are very important in a father. I think my father had a lot of self-discipline, but very little dedication, at least to his children.
The plans we have been making for delivery and child-rearing are not based on ease and convenience for us. After all, it would be easier to just have a regular hospital delivery with our OB, buy baby formula, use disposable diapers, push her around in a stroller, tell her that Santa is watching and that all good people go to heaven. It would be easier, but I don't think it would be better. Not for us. Not after all of the reading I have done. I could never turn a blind eye to all I have learned and do things the 'easy way' now. It will take a lot of self-discipline and dedication to stick to our plans.
Griffin has gotten totally on board with everything I have been suggesting. I send him links to different articles and ask for his opinion. It's amazing how much information is out in cyberspace. I find it hard to believe that everyone isn't raising their children the way we plan to. It is all so logical and sensible on so many levels: good for the child and good for the planet.
There are many other aspects about Griffin which prove to me that he will be a good daddy. These are the qualities one would expect all good fathers to possess: he is loving, gentle, hard-working, kind to others, follows his heart and always tries to do what is right. He has a strong sense of morality and the will to carry through on his convictions. But, knowing that he is strong enough to be able to let go of his own baby when that pregnancy was failing and that he is now brave enough to love his new baby growing inside me is really all the proof I need.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
It's - Natural?
21 Weeks, 6 days.
The cat is out of the bag. Well, maybe it is coming out in super slo-mo, but it is definitely coming out. More and more people at work are actually approaching me and asking if I am, indeed, pregnant. I am getting more comfortable with the idea of discussing my condition with folks outside of my 'pregnancy inner circle'. Although tickling me somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that I am jinxing this whole thing by talking about it to virtual 'strangers'.
I am not a mystical person. I don't believe in jinxing or bad luck or karma - good or bad - and yet, still I get that miserable little tickle once in a while. Pushing it down and away has become easier over time, but there are days when it rears its ugly head too often.
At lunch today, two more people found out about our happy news. I am no longer actively hiding my pregnancy, however, I cannot bare to think about shouting about it from the rooftops. It just came up in the lunchtime conversation and I spoke about it as if everyone knew and it was no big deal. That alone, was a challenge for me.
A colleague of mine that ate lunch with us is also awaiting the birth of his offspring. His wife is due a couple of weeks before I am. I used to despise other people who were pregnant when I was having miscarriage after miscarriage. I was really bitter, but now it was actually quite pleasant to discuss our upcoming events.
We talked about due dates and finding out the sex and then the topic of birthing came up - I brought it up. I asked if they were planning on having a natural childbirth. His initial reaction was 'yes' and then he amended the statement by saying she was planning on having an epidural. I told him that was not 'natural' and he responded with something like 'Is that not what you meant?'
Apparently, he was thinking 'natural' meant not having a c-section. If it comes out the normal route, then that was the 'natural' part of giving birth. Natural childbirth, right? I found it rather comical.
I told him that we were considering having a home birth. Now, this always raises some eyebrows and he was no exception. My colleague responded with something like - that's really 'interesting' or 'cool'. Since we are mostly nodding acquaintances, I assumed he might be holding his tongue and his true thoughts on the matter.
I thought about this for a while today. It's so strange how we have come to think that there isn't any other option for giving birth other than doing it at a hospital. And that as long as the baby comes out through the birth canal, well, then that's natural enough. The fact that the mother is numb from the belly down, pumped full of drugs and attached to several different monitors all beeping and flickering never enters into the equation. Even if you do it without drugs, the whole hospital setting really doesn't seem so natural to me either.
Most of the time when I discuss home birthing now, I get some variety of a negative reaction. Some responses are strong and on the verge of calling me an idiot and having a death wish for my baby and others are more polite and merely hint at my lunacy. I am developing a thick skin.
Tomorrow, we will meet with a midwife whom we may choose to have help deliver Piper. She started out as a labor and delivery nurse and then moved over to midwifery and home birthing. I am really interested to hear what she thinks about our risk factor, both with the miscarriages and my advanced age. Thirty-seven is considered geriatric in the motherhood biz.
I have been thinking about how I will react if the midwife tells us that home birth is not a good option for us. She is the expert after all. I expect to hear that from an OB, but will be disappointed if a midwife tells us it's not a smart idea. So, what will our next move be? A birthing center? Back to the old hospital option?
Moreover, how would I deal with the possibility of being in labor and finding out that I just can't do it at home? What would it be like to admit defeat and go to a hospital to deliver? Could I stand the barrage of I told you so's that would surely follow? Maybe my skin needs to get a little bit thicker still.
The cat is out of the bag. Well, maybe it is coming out in super slo-mo, but it is definitely coming out. More and more people at work are actually approaching me and asking if I am, indeed, pregnant. I am getting more comfortable with the idea of discussing my condition with folks outside of my 'pregnancy inner circle'. Although tickling me somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that I am jinxing this whole thing by talking about it to virtual 'strangers'.
I am not a mystical person. I don't believe in jinxing or bad luck or karma - good or bad - and yet, still I get that miserable little tickle once in a while. Pushing it down and away has become easier over time, but there are days when it rears its ugly head too often.
At lunch today, two more people found out about our happy news. I am no longer actively hiding my pregnancy, however, I cannot bare to think about shouting about it from the rooftops. It just came up in the lunchtime conversation and I spoke about it as if everyone knew and it was no big deal. That alone, was a challenge for me.
A colleague of mine that ate lunch with us is also awaiting the birth of his offspring. His wife is due a couple of weeks before I am. I used to despise other people who were pregnant when I was having miscarriage after miscarriage. I was really bitter, but now it was actually quite pleasant to discuss our upcoming events.
We talked about due dates and finding out the sex and then the topic of birthing came up - I brought it up. I asked if they were planning on having a natural childbirth. His initial reaction was 'yes' and then he amended the statement by saying she was planning on having an epidural. I told him that was not 'natural' and he responded with something like 'Is that not what you meant?'
Apparently, he was thinking 'natural' meant not having a c-section. If it comes out the normal route, then that was the 'natural' part of giving birth. Natural childbirth, right? I found it rather comical.
I told him that we were considering having a home birth. Now, this always raises some eyebrows and he was no exception. My colleague responded with something like - that's really 'interesting' or 'cool'. Since we are mostly nodding acquaintances, I assumed he might be holding his tongue and his true thoughts on the matter.
I thought about this for a while today. It's so strange how we have come to think that there isn't any other option for giving birth other than doing it at a hospital. And that as long as the baby comes out through the birth canal, well, then that's natural enough. The fact that the mother is numb from the belly down, pumped full of drugs and attached to several different monitors all beeping and flickering never enters into the equation. Even if you do it without drugs, the whole hospital setting really doesn't seem so natural to me either.
Most of the time when I discuss home birthing now, I get some variety of a negative reaction. Some responses are strong and on the verge of calling me an idiot and having a death wish for my baby and others are more polite and merely hint at my lunacy. I am developing a thick skin.
Tomorrow, we will meet with a midwife whom we may choose to have help deliver Piper. She started out as a labor and delivery nurse and then moved over to midwifery and home birthing. I am really interested to hear what she thinks about our risk factor, both with the miscarriages and my advanced age. Thirty-seven is considered geriatric in the motherhood biz.
I have been thinking about how I will react if the midwife tells us that home birth is not a good option for us. She is the expert after all. I expect to hear that from an OB, but will be disappointed if a midwife tells us it's not a smart idea. So, what will our next move be? A birthing center? Back to the old hospital option?
Moreover, how would I deal with the possibility of being in labor and finding out that I just can't do it at home? What would it be like to admit defeat and go to a hospital to deliver? Could I stand the barrage of I told you so's that would surely follow? Maybe my skin needs to get a little bit thicker still.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Graduation!
21 Weeks, 4 days
Yesterday we had another appointment at the NJ Perinatal Associates at St. Barnabas Hospital. We have been going there every two weeks for the last two months to have my cervix measured. It's an invasive procedure, literally. There is no dignity in pregnancy and I have gotten used to be prodded in all sorts of embarrassing ways. My cervix has been measuring long and closed. Often, the doctor will congratulate me on it as if I had some ability to control this accomplishment. They have been checking my cervix to be sure I am not going into PROM again. Of course, last time my cervix was fine and my water broke anyhow. I won't complain about the kid glove treatment, it has given me peace of mind.
Before the ultrasound to check my lady parts, the tech always does a sonogram to just give us another peek at Piper. She tried with all her might to get Piper to turn her head and smile for the camera. Piper would not cooperate. Proving, once again, that our stubbornness runs in her genes.
Then the doctor came it. He did his exam and complimented my nice, long cervix. Good job! After scrawling down some notes he announced that we have graduated. This was the last check they were going to do on my cervix. Clearly everything is going along just fine and it is now unnecessary to keep measuring it. The next time they want to see us is in six weeks. Six weeks! Wow. I felt like I had won the lottery.
I asked the doctor if he would consider this a 'low risk' pregnancy - he started shaking his head before I could finish my question - which was if you don't take the other pregnancies into consideration. He smiled a bit and nodded. Yes, this is a normal pregnancy. It's so nice to be normal.
Griffin and I made the next appointment which will be in March. I will be 27 weeks and change at that time. My next OB appointment is not for another four weeks. We have nearly a whole month with no doctor visits! It's amazing. Wonderful. A relief.
We had been seeing a doctor or giving blood nearly every week, I can't believe they are letting us go so long. I feel like a little kid who had their training wheels taken off. We are flying solo for four long weeks. How will I survive without the doc stroking my cervix's ego? What will do with our free time? I guess we will look to meet with a midwife now. That will occupy us for a while. We can discuss the possibility of home birth with her. Mind you, I only said possibility.
Yesterday we had another appointment at the NJ Perinatal Associates at St. Barnabas Hospital. We have been going there every two weeks for the last two months to have my cervix measured. It's an invasive procedure, literally. There is no dignity in pregnancy and I have gotten used to be prodded in all sorts of embarrassing ways. My cervix has been measuring long and closed. Often, the doctor will congratulate me on it as if I had some ability to control this accomplishment. They have been checking my cervix to be sure I am not going into PROM again. Of course, last time my cervix was fine and my water broke anyhow. I won't complain about the kid glove treatment, it has given me peace of mind.
Before the ultrasound to check my lady parts, the tech always does a sonogram to just give us another peek at Piper. She tried with all her might to get Piper to turn her head and smile for the camera. Piper would not cooperate. Proving, once again, that our stubbornness runs in her genes.
Then the doctor came it. He did his exam and complimented my nice, long cervix. Good job! After scrawling down some notes he announced that we have graduated. This was the last check they were going to do on my cervix. Clearly everything is going along just fine and it is now unnecessary to keep measuring it. The next time they want to see us is in six weeks. Six weeks! Wow. I felt like I had won the lottery.
I asked the doctor if he would consider this a 'low risk' pregnancy - he started shaking his head before I could finish my question - which was if you don't take the other pregnancies into consideration. He smiled a bit and nodded. Yes, this is a normal pregnancy. It's so nice to be normal.
Griffin and I made the next appointment which will be in March. I will be 27 weeks and change at that time. My next OB appointment is not for another four weeks. We have nearly a whole month with no doctor visits! It's amazing. Wonderful. A relief.
We had been seeing a doctor or giving blood nearly every week, I can't believe they are letting us go so long. I feel like a little kid who had their training wheels taken off. We are flying solo for four long weeks. How will I survive without the doc stroking my cervix's ego? What will do with our free time? I guess we will look to meet with a midwife now. That will occupy us for a while. We can discuss the possibility of home birth with her. Mind you, I only said possibility.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
How I am Preparing for Motherhood
21 weeks, 2 days
I have never babysat, not for a baby anyhow. Never gave a baby a bottle, held a baby, certainly never changed a diaper. As a little girl, I used my dolls for 'parts' to create other toys and build weird things. (Little did I know I would continue this practice as an adult!) I didn't pretend to be a mommy and take care of my baby dolls. I did, however, do this with my stuffed animals. I cherished them and took very good care of them. My family got our first dog, Tara, when I was five. She was a constant companion for me until she was put to sleep 11 years later. We also acquired several cats, parakeets, fish, rabbits, frogs, turtles, snakes, lizards and various wild critters that were injured or 'homeless'.
As I think about and plan how to take care of Piper, I have realized that, although not in a conventional way, I have been preparing to be a mother all my life. Our current menagerie is excellent preparation for me:
I have 2 fish tanks. The 90 gallon houses 12 angelfish among other tropical fish. It is also a fully planted tank with 10 different species of aquatic plants. Fish keeping is like being pregnant. The fish are trapped in the tank, you choose what food they get, where they get moved to, how loud and active their environment will be and who their tankmates will be. It's like playing god. You get to choose everything that happens in that tank - they rely on you for everything. I can be an evil god and neglect to feed them and change their water or I can be a benevolent god and focus on their care.
I have been noticing more and more that Piper responds to what I eat and the action around me. She can't make me do anything, but just like the fish who remind me to feed them when I walk by the tank, she gives me a few swift kicks when I haven't eaten for a little while. I also pay significantly more attention to what I eat and how often. After all she is trapped in the fishbowl in my belly. I have learned to be a benevolent god to my fish, and to my offspring.
Eleu is our 6 year old macaw. He lives his life in his cage in our sunroom. I take him out most evenings while we relax in front of the TV watching a movie. He gets to take a shower with me every week so he doesn't become a 'stinky bird'. He also depends upon me for food and toys. His cage is not unlike a baby crib. A place that is safe and full of fun things. Occasionally, Eleu screams for what seems like no good reason other times he his having fun wrestling with a toy and doesn't need my attention. There's a greeting call that he uses when he just wants me to say hello to him. Sometimes I think he is just testing me to make sure I will come. When he screams uncontrollably, I cover his cage with his blanket. Then he knows he has gone too far.
He has many different screams and I know them all. There is one he makes when he is in pain or very frightened. This scream gets me moving fast and will I bolt into the room. He got his toe stuck in a toy once and panicked with this call. But being a clever bird - Eleu occasionally plays the 'bird who cried wolf' and when I get into his room with my heart pounding, he just says "hello". "Don't do that to me!" I will often holler back, and then he won't do it again for a long time. From Eleu I have learned that if you can't get out of your crib, you will need to use the right cry to get the attention you want. Learn the difference quickly.
My two cats are over 10 years old, Jack and Hunter - they are brothers. When I adopted them from the shelter, they were feral cats. They were only 8 weeks old, all claws and teeth. They were terrified of me. For the first few days they wouldn't even come out from under my bed. I fed them under there, gave them their litterbox under there and spent hours lying on my belly talking to them while they hissed at me. They refused to come out and wouldn't let me touch them - yet.
Even as loving adult cats, they are very quirky. Jack does not like to be held. He will kick and thrash until you let him go. He doesn't even like to be on my lap, but let him lay next to you on the couch and he will purr for hours. Hunter taunts the dog. He waits for her to come up the basement stairs so he can whack her as she comes around the corner. If I catch him waiting for her I will scold him and he will run away, but he usually comes back when I am not watching. You can't make a cat do anything it doesn't want to do and it's hard to stop it from doing something it really wants to do. I suppose the same is true for a baby. No amount of begging, sweet-talking, tricking or forcing can make them do what they aren't ready to do. From my cats I learned patience and compromise.
Bella is a Great Pyrenees, 5 years old, beautiful, smart and gentle. She grew up with our Bernese Mountain Dog, Ling. We had to put Ling to sleep last year because she had cancer. When Bella was a puppy, she followed Ling everywhere. Ling was a well trained dog - we trained her. She learned a lot from our instructions, but there were some things we couldn't communicate to her and she never learned them. She had some quirks. We never trained Bella. I didn't do any formal training and yet she knows how to sit, stay, come, lie down, give paw, wait, etc. She learned all of this from watching Ling.
It's amazing how much a young creature can learn from watching and imitating the older creatures. From Bella I have learned that we will be role models for Piper and she will probably learn more from watching and imitating us than from anything else. I hope we will do her justice.
I have never babysat, not for a baby anyhow. Never gave a baby a bottle, held a baby, certainly never changed a diaper. As a little girl, I used my dolls for 'parts' to create other toys and build weird things. (Little did I know I would continue this practice as an adult!) I didn't pretend to be a mommy and take care of my baby dolls. I did, however, do this with my stuffed animals. I cherished them and took very good care of them. My family got our first dog, Tara, when I was five. She was a constant companion for me until she was put to sleep 11 years later. We also acquired several cats, parakeets, fish, rabbits, frogs, turtles, snakes, lizards and various wild critters that were injured or 'homeless'.
As I think about and plan how to take care of Piper, I have realized that, although not in a conventional way, I have been preparing to be a mother all my life. Our current menagerie is excellent preparation for me:
I have 2 fish tanks. The 90 gallon houses 12 angelfish among other tropical fish. It is also a fully planted tank with 10 different species of aquatic plants. Fish keeping is like being pregnant. The fish are trapped in the tank, you choose what food they get, where they get moved to, how loud and active their environment will be and who their tankmates will be. It's like playing god. You get to choose everything that happens in that tank - they rely on you for everything. I can be an evil god and neglect to feed them and change their water or I can be a benevolent god and focus on their care.
I have been noticing more and more that Piper responds to what I eat and the action around me. She can't make me do anything, but just like the fish who remind me to feed them when I walk by the tank, she gives me a few swift kicks when I haven't eaten for a little while. I also pay significantly more attention to what I eat and how often. After all she is trapped in the fishbowl in my belly. I have learned to be a benevolent god to my fish, and to my offspring.
Eleu is our 6 year old macaw. He lives his life in his cage in our sunroom. I take him out most evenings while we relax in front of the TV watching a movie. He gets to take a shower with me every week so he doesn't become a 'stinky bird'. He also depends upon me for food and toys. His cage is not unlike a baby crib. A place that is safe and full of fun things. Occasionally, Eleu screams for what seems like no good reason other times he his having fun wrestling with a toy and doesn't need my attention. There's a greeting call that he uses when he just wants me to say hello to him. Sometimes I think he is just testing me to make sure I will come. When he screams uncontrollably, I cover his cage with his blanket. Then he knows he has gone too far.
He has many different screams and I know them all. There is one he makes when he is in pain or very frightened. This scream gets me moving fast and will I bolt into the room. He got his toe stuck in a toy once and panicked with this call. But being a clever bird - Eleu occasionally plays the 'bird who cried wolf' and when I get into his room with my heart pounding, he just says "hello". "Don't do that to me!" I will often holler back, and then he won't do it again for a long time. From Eleu I have learned that if you can't get out of your crib, you will need to use the right cry to get the attention you want. Learn the difference quickly.
My two cats are over 10 years old, Jack and Hunter - they are brothers. When I adopted them from the shelter, they were feral cats. They were only 8 weeks old, all claws and teeth. They were terrified of me. For the first few days they wouldn't even come out from under my bed. I fed them under there, gave them their litterbox under there and spent hours lying on my belly talking to them while they hissed at me. They refused to come out and wouldn't let me touch them - yet.
Even as loving adult cats, they are very quirky. Jack does not like to be held. He will kick and thrash until you let him go. He doesn't even like to be on my lap, but let him lay next to you on the couch and he will purr for hours. Hunter taunts the dog. He waits for her to come up the basement stairs so he can whack her as she comes around the corner. If I catch him waiting for her I will scold him and he will run away, but he usually comes back when I am not watching. You can't make a cat do anything it doesn't want to do and it's hard to stop it from doing something it really wants to do. I suppose the same is true for a baby. No amount of begging, sweet-talking, tricking or forcing can make them do what they aren't ready to do. From my cats I learned patience and compromise.
Bella is a Great Pyrenees, 5 years old, beautiful, smart and gentle. She grew up with our Bernese Mountain Dog, Ling. We had to put Ling to sleep last year because she had cancer. When Bella was a puppy, she followed Ling everywhere. Ling was a well trained dog - we trained her. She learned a lot from our instructions, but there were some things we couldn't communicate to her and she never learned them. She had some quirks. We never trained Bella. I didn't do any formal training and yet she knows how to sit, stay, come, lie down, give paw, wait, etc. She learned all of this from watching Ling.
It's amazing how much a young creature can learn from watching and imitating the older creatures. From Bella I have learned that we will be role models for Piper and she will probably learn more from watching and imitating us than from anything else. I hope we will do her justice.
Friday, January 22, 2010
What Are You - Crazy?
21 Weeks
The pregnancy has been going along swimmingly. It's amazing how I am actually thinking about the process of giving birth now. Part of me thought for a long time that I might never get there. It's as if I feared my body would just keep rejecting the idea of incubating this creature for a full nine months, but now, I am thinking it will actually happen. Therefore, I have been thinking about how I want this to happen.
We watched the movie "The Business of Being Born" and another movie "Pregnant in America" - okay, not just movies, documentaries. They both dealt with different birthing options and focused on natural childbirth and home birthing. The idea of giving birth at home initially seemed insane to me. It's unsanitary! There is dog and cat hair on the rug and crumbs in the kitchen! But when I start to think about hospitals, I think that that is where you go when you are sick. I am pregnant, not sick. I don't need an operation, I need to do what women have done for thousands of years.
Americans are obsessed with the idea of health care, but health care to many of us is having a doctor cure what is wrong with us by taking a pill or preforming an operation. If we examine our lifestyle, what we eat and how we live, perhaps we may find with a few changes we don't need so much 'health care'.
I used to think that there was no way I could stand the pain of expelling an eight pound baby from my body, but over the last few years that has changed. I have experienced pain, both physical and emotional, that I never thought I could endure. The pain of labor, the process of delivering this much desired, much anticipated baby will be nothing like the pain I went through this summer having to end my pregnancy at 20 weeks.
I told a young friend of mine that Griffin and I were considering home birth and she was appalled. She had the same reaction that everyone does - what if something goes wrong? How will you get to the hospital in time? Women give birth in hospitals all the time and end up with problems that doctors can't fix. The infant mortality rate in the United States is higher than virtually every other first world country. Why? Perhaps because we treat birthing as a health care issue and not as a natural process.
We have an appointment at the OB today. I will be proposing home birth with a midwife to them. What do you think the response will be?
Tune in later for the exciting results!
___________________________________________
And now the exciting conclusion....
The nurse took my weight and blood pressure. All fine. Gained a few more pounds. BP nice and normal. The doc came in and talked about blood test results and the level II ultrasound results. She talked as if it might be the first time we were hearing this information. I chuckled to myself. Did she think we would sit idly by and wait to hear about results days and weeks later? She checked by fetal heartbeat. Nice and regular. Of course, the NJPA group at St. Barnabas does that and a lot more every two weeks, the nurse that shoots me in the ass every Thursday checks it too and I have a home FH doppler, so I can check it too. I waited for the moment to ask.
Any questions? Yes. Are you affiliated with any midwives? A look of alarm passed over her face. The answer was no. Not surprising. She told me there were some midwives that worked out of the hospital in their own group. And then she started in on how I need to continue being under their care. I told her I had every intention continuing my monitoring, but this was about the birth.
She told me that they were willing for me to have as natural of a birth as possible at the hospital. I smiled and nodded. She reminded me that this is still considered a high risk pregnancy. Did she need to even mention that? I am well-aware, thank you. When I assured her that I would continue my care she seemed to relax a bit.
Ultimately, she conceded. As long as the rest of the pregnancy is as normal as the first half has been, she supposed it would be alright to use a midwife. I nodded. It didn't really matter what she said, we are going to do what we want anyhow. Of course I didn't mention that I wanted to do this at home. Perhaps I would save that tidbit for another time. I would like to speak to a few midwives first and pick one that has similar views to ours. I don't think that will be hard to find.
I was very happy to see that my insurance does cover care by a midwife. There are board certified midwives that are in my insurance plan and somehow that certification means a lot to me.
We have another appointment at the NJPA high risk pregnancy group on Monday. Maybe I will bring up the home birthing there and see what their reaction is like. I find it all a bit amusing. "What are you - crazy?" There's nothing natural about having a baby.....
The pregnancy has been going along swimmingly. It's amazing how I am actually thinking about the process of giving birth now. Part of me thought for a long time that I might never get there. It's as if I feared my body would just keep rejecting the idea of incubating this creature for a full nine months, but now, I am thinking it will actually happen. Therefore, I have been thinking about how I want this to happen.
We watched the movie "The Business of Being Born" and another movie "Pregnant in America" - okay, not just movies, documentaries. They both dealt with different birthing options and focused on natural childbirth and home birthing. The idea of giving birth at home initially seemed insane to me. It's unsanitary! There is dog and cat hair on the rug and crumbs in the kitchen! But when I start to think about hospitals, I think that that is where you go when you are sick. I am pregnant, not sick. I don't need an operation, I need to do what women have done for thousands of years.
Americans are obsessed with the idea of health care, but health care to many of us is having a doctor cure what is wrong with us by taking a pill or preforming an operation. If we examine our lifestyle, what we eat and how we live, perhaps we may find with a few changes we don't need so much 'health care'.
I used to think that there was no way I could stand the pain of expelling an eight pound baby from my body, but over the last few years that has changed. I have experienced pain, both physical and emotional, that I never thought I could endure. The pain of labor, the process of delivering this much desired, much anticipated baby will be nothing like the pain I went through this summer having to end my pregnancy at 20 weeks.
I told a young friend of mine that Griffin and I were considering home birth and she was appalled. She had the same reaction that everyone does - what if something goes wrong? How will you get to the hospital in time? Women give birth in hospitals all the time and end up with problems that doctors can't fix. The infant mortality rate in the United States is higher than virtually every other first world country. Why? Perhaps because we treat birthing as a health care issue and not as a natural process.
We have an appointment at the OB today. I will be proposing home birth with a midwife to them. What do you think the response will be?
Tune in later for the exciting results!
___________________________________________
And now the exciting conclusion....
The nurse took my weight and blood pressure. All fine. Gained a few more pounds. BP nice and normal. The doc came in and talked about blood test results and the level II ultrasound results. She talked as if it might be the first time we were hearing this information. I chuckled to myself. Did she think we would sit idly by and wait to hear about results days and weeks later? She checked by fetal heartbeat. Nice and regular. Of course, the NJPA group at St. Barnabas does that and a lot more every two weeks, the nurse that shoots me in the ass every Thursday checks it too and I have a home FH doppler, so I can check it too. I waited for the moment to ask.
Any questions? Yes. Are you affiliated with any midwives? A look of alarm passed over her face. The answer was no. Not surprising. She told me there were some midwives that worked out of the hospital in their own group. And then she started in on how I need to continue being under their care. I told her I had every intention continuing my monitoring, but this was about the birth.
She told me that they were willing for me to have as natural of a birth as possible at the hospital. I smiled and nodded. She reminded me that this is still considered a high risk pregnancy. Did she need to even mention that? I am well-aware, thank you. When I assured her that I would continue my care she seemed to relax a bit.
Ultimately, she conceded. As long as the rest of the pregnancy is as normal as the first half has been, she supposed it would be alright to use a midwife. I nodded. It didn't really matter what she said, we are going to do what we want anyhow. Of course I didn't mention that I wanted to do this at home. Perhaps I would save that tidbit for another time. I would like to speak to a few midwives first and pick one that has similar views to ours. I don't think that will be hard to find.
I was very happy to see that my insurance does cover care by a midwife. There are board certified midwives that are in my insurance plan and somehow that certification means a lot to me.
We have another appointment at the NJPA high risk pregnancy group on Monday. Maybe I will bring up the home birthing there and see what their reaction is like. I find it all a bit amusing. "What are you - crazy?" There's nothing natural about having a baby.....
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