36 Weeks, 2 days
Today is Mother's Day. I woke up at six and drowsed in bed for a while. The house was very still. Griffin is not home and the dog and cats were not pestering me to get up. So I laid there. Piper had the hiccups and my belly bounced every 10 seconds with each one. I felt the rolling slide of her whole body moving and the little flicker of hands. I have gotten very used to feeling all of this; it will be strange when she is no longer inside me and I am all alone with myself again.
I have been battling swollen ankles and feet for the last few weeks. Work was especially stressful as I tried to get everything wrapped up before I started my maternity leave. There is just not enough time in the day for it all. If I didn't actually have to teach every period, I would have had time to wrap up all of the other stuff. I had begun new projects two weeks ago that required my help, input and attention. Poor planning on my part. I should have just rolled out the markers and told them all to draw what they want to do for summer vacation. If only.
The flubbiness of my feet has not been my only concern; my belly has gotten so large that I have trouble doing things I normally don't have to think about to do: such as put on socks or feed the cats. I find myself holding my breath as I half bend over, half squat to get to the floor. I think I have forgotten what it is like to just go about your business without noticing that you are doing anything. I know I can't crush Piper by bending over, but she sure puts up a fight when I do.
My last progesterone shot was this past Thursday. The progesterone will stay in my system for a week to 10 days. Commonly, women having these injections go into labor sometime shortly after that seven to ten day period. So things could be happening very soon.
I am not nervous about labor or giving birth. The thought of the pain does not frighten me and I don't think I will be begging to go to the hospital for drugs. For me, the worst kind of pain is the type that is inflicted by someone else and I have had a lot of that over the past three years. My body will not create more pain than I can handle, but intervention by someone else might.
Its strange that I have actually become calmer and more relaxed about having our home birth as it gets closer. Griffin and I have been going to birthing classes and many of the other women seem to be terrified of the prospect of pain. There is only one other couple that is planning on having a home birth and we haven't actually spoken to them. Some of the women in the class are actually planning on having epidurals during labor, I wonder why they are taking a natural child birthing class.
We are planning on having a water birth as well as laboring in the birthing tub. Judy, our midwife asked us if we want to put the birthing tub out on our deck. At first it struck me as strange to give birth outside, but I am sure it strikes people as strange that we want to give birth at home. I have mixed feelings about being outside: it might rain, I might get cold, it might be too sunny and I'd get sunburned, what if my labor goes into the night and there are bats flying around us? (Actually, that would be pretty neat.) I don't care about privacy and the neighbors 'seeing' anything and that was the main concern that Judy had. Who cares about the neighbors? What about the weather?
Really, my biggest concern is what to do once Piper is here. Getting her out won't be nearly as difficult as knowing what to do with her once she has. I keep trying to picture myself hold a little, tiny baby wrapped in one of those swaddling outfits. Wrapped so tightly she barely wriggles around, I peek in and see her big eyes, her cute ears and her long whiskers. Meow. It always turns into my cat. It is so hard to picture myself holding a baby, a human baby, my baby.
Well, pictured or not, she will be here soon. I have lots of things to do yet and perhaps I should get started. I would make a list, but that would just be killing more time before I actually do something. Maybe I will look at those baby clothes one more time.
Meow.
Showing posts with label labor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label labor. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
It's - Natural?
21 Weeks, 6 days.
The cat is out of the bag. Well, maybe it is coming out in super slo-mo, but it is definitely coming out. More and more people at work are actually approaching me and asking if I am, indeed, pregnant. I am getting more comfortable with the idea of discussing my condition with folks outside of my 'pregnancy inner circle'. Although tickling me somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that I am jinxing this whole thing by talking about it to virtual 'strangers'.
I am not a mystical person. I don't believe in jinxing or bad luck or karma - good or bad - and yet, still I get that miserable little tickle once in a while. Pushing it down and away has become easier over time, but there are days when it rears its ugly head too often.
At lunch today, two more people found out about our happy news. I am no longer actively hiding my pregnancy, however, I cannot bare to think about shouting about it from the rooftops. It just came up in the lunchtime conversation and I spoke about it as if everyone knew and it was no big deal. That alone, was a challenge for me.
A colleague of mine that ate lunch with us is also awaiting the birth of his offspring. His wife is due a couple of weeks before I am. I used to despise other people who were pregnant when I was having miscarriage after miscarriage. I was really bitter, but now it was actually quite pleasant to discuss our upcoming events.
We talked about due dates and finding out the sex and then the topic of birthing came up - I brought it up. I asked if they were planning on having a natural childbirth. His initial reaction was 'yes' and then he amended the statement by saying she was planning on having an epidural. I told him that was not 'natural' and he responded with something like 'Is that not what you meant?'
Apparently, he was thinking 'natural' meant not having a c-section. If it comes out the normal route, then that was the 'natural' part of giving birth. Natural childbirth, right? I found it rather comical.
I told him that we were considering having a home birth. Now, this always raises some eyebrows and he was no exception. My colleague responded with something like - that's really 'interesting' or 'cool'. Since we are mostly nodding acquaintances, I assumed he might be holding his tongue and his true thoughts on the matter.
I thought about this for a while today. It's so strange how we have come to think that there isn't any other option for giving birth other than doing it at a hospital. And that as long as the baby comes out through the birth canal, well, then that's natural enough. The fact that the mother is numb from the belly down, pumped full of drugs and attached to several different monitors all beeping and flickering never enters into the equation. Even if you do it without drugs, the whole hospital setting really doesn't seem so natural to me either.
Most of the time when I discuss home birthing now, I get some variety of a negative reaction. Some responses are strong and on the verge of calling me an idiot and having a death wish for my baby and others are more polite and merely hint at my lunacy. I am developing a thick skin.
Tomorrow, we will meet with a midwife whom we may choose to have help deliver Piper. She started out as a labor and delivery nurse and then moved over to midwifery and home birthing. I am really interested to hear what she thinks about our risk factor, both with the miscarriages and my advanced age. Thirty-seven is considered geriatric in the motherhood biz.
I have been thinking about how I will react if the midwife tells us that home birth is not a good option for us. She is the expert after all. I expect to hear that from an OB, but will be disappointed if a midwife tells us it's not a smart idea. So, what will our next move be? A birthing center? Back to the old hospital option?
Moreover, how would I deal with the possibility of being in labor and finding out that I just can't do it at home? What would it be like to admit defeat and go to a hospital to deliver? Could I stand the barrage of I told you so's that would surely follow? Maybe my skin needs to get a little bit thicker still.
The cat is out of the bag. Well, maybe it is coming out in super slo-mo, but it is definitely coming out. More and more people at work are actually approaching me and asking if I am, indeed, pregnant. I am getting more comfortable with the idea of discussing my condition with folks outside of my 'pregnancy inner circle'. Although tickling me somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that I am jinxing this whole thing by talking about it to virtual 'strangers'.
I am not a mystical person. I don't believe in jinxing or bad luck or karma - good or bad - and yet, still I get that miserable little tickle once in a while. Pushing it down and away has become easier over time, but there are days when it rears its ugly head too often.
At lunch today, two more people found out about our happy news. I am no longer actively hiding my pregnancy, however, I cannot bare to think about shouting about it from the rooftops. It just came up in the lunchtime conversation and I spoke about it as if everyone knew and it was no big deal. That alone, was a challenge for me.
A colleague of mine that ate lunch with us is also awaiting the birth of his offspring. His wife is due a couple of weeks before I am. I used to despise other people who were pregnant when I was having miscarriage after miscarriage. I was really bitter, but now it was actually quite pleasant to discuss our upcoming events.
We talked about due dates and finding out the sex and then the topic of birthing came up - I brought it up. I asked if they were planning on having a natural childbirth. His initial reaction was 'yes' and then he amended the statement by saying she was planning on having an epidural. I told him that was not 'natural' and he responded with something like 'Is that not what you meant?'
Apparently, he was thinking 'natural' meant not having a c-section. If it comes out the normal route, then that was the 'natural' part of giving birth. Natural childbirth, right? I found it rather comical.
I told him that we were considering having a home birth. Now, this always raises some eyebrows and he was no exception. My colleague responded with something like - that's really 'interesting' or 'cool'. Since we are mostly nodding acquaintances, I assumed he might be holding his tongue and his true thoughts on the matter.
I thought about this for a while today. It's so strange how we have come to think that there isn't any other option for giving birth other than doing it at a hospital. And that as long as the baby comes out through the birth canal, well, then that's natural enough. The fact that the mother is numb from the belly down, pumped full of drugs and attached to several different monitors all beeping and flickering never enters into the equation. Even if you do it without drugs, the whole hospital setting really doesn't seem so natural to me either.
Most of the time when I discuss home birthing now, I get some variety of a negative reaction. Some responses are strong and on the verge of calling me an idiot and having a death wish for my baby and others are more polite and merely hint at my lunacy. I am developing a thick skin.
Tomorrow, we will meet with a midwife whom we may choose to have help deliver Piper. She started out as a labor and delivery nurse and then moved over to midwifery and home birthing. I am really interested to hear what she thinks about our risk factor, both with the miscarriages and my advanced age. Thirty-seven is considered geriatric in the motherhood biz.
I have been thinking about how I will react if the midwife tells us that home birth is not a good option for us. She is the expert after all. I expect to hear that from an OB, but will be disappointed if a midwife tells us it's not a smart idea. So, what will our next move be? A birthing center? Back to the old hospital option?
Moreover, how would I deal with the possibility of being in labor and finding out that I just can't do it at home? What would it be like to admit defeat and go to a hospital to deliver? Could I stand the barrage of I told you so's that would surely follow? Maybe my skin needs to get a little bit thicker still.
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