Happy Almost a Mother Day to Me

36 Weeks, 2 days

Today is Mother's Day. I woke up at six and drowsed in bed for a while. The house was very still. Griffin is not home and the dog and cats were not pestering me to get up. So I laid there. Piper had the hiccups and my belly bounced every 10 seconds with each one. I felt the rolling slide of her whole body moving and the little flicker of hands. I have gotten very used to feeling all of this; it will be strange when she is no longer inside me and I am all alone with myself again.

I have been battling swollen ankles and feet for the last few weeks. Work was especially stressful as I tried to get everything wrapped up before I started my maternity leave. There is just not enough time in the day for it all. If I didn't actually have to teach every period, I would have had time to wrap up all of the other stuff. I had begun new projects two weeks ago that required my help, input and attention. Poor planning on my part. I should have just rolled out the markers and told them all to draw what they want to do for summer vacation. If only.

The flubbiness of my feet has not been my only concern; my belly has gotten so large that I have trouble doing things I normally don't have to think about to do: such as put on socks or feed the cats. I find myself holding my breath as I half bend over, half squat to get to the floor. I think I have forgotten what it is like to just go about your business without noticing that you are doing anything. I know I can't crush Piper by bending over, but she sure puts up a fight when I do.

My last progesterone shot was this past Thursday. The progesterone will stay in my system for a week to 10 days. Commonly, women having these injections go into labor sometime shortly after that seven to ten day period. So things could be happening very soon.

I am not nervous about labor or giving birth. The thought of the pain does not frighten me and I don't think I will be begging to go to the hospital for drugs. For me, the worst kind of pain is the type that is inflicted by someone else and I have had a lot of that over the past three years. My body will not create more pain than I can handle, but intervention by someone else might.

Its strange that I have actually become calmer and more relaxed about having our home birth as it gets closer. Griffin and I have been going to birthing classes and many of the other women seem to be terrified of the prospect of pain. There is only one other couple that is planning on having a home birth and we haven't actually spoken to them. Some of the women in the class are actually planning on having epidurals during labor, I wonder why they are taking a natural child birthing class.

We are planning on having a water birth as well as laboring in the birthing tub. Judy, our midwife asked us if we want to put the birthing tub out on our deck. At first it struck me as strange to give birth outside, but I am sure it strikes people as strange that we want to give birth at home. I have mixed feelings about being outside: it might rain, I might get cold, it might be too sunny and I'd get sunburned, what if my labor goes into the night and there are bats flying around us? (Actually, that would be pretty neat.) I don't care about privacy and the neighbors 'seeing' anything and that was the main concern that Judy had. Who cares about the neighbors? What about the weather?

Really, my biggest concern is what to do once Piper is here. Getting her out won't be nearly as difficult as knowing what to do with her once she has. I keep trying to picture myself hold a little, tiny baby wrapped in one of those swaddling outfits. Wrapped so tightly she barely wriggles around, I peek in and see her big eyes, her cute ears and her long whiskers. Meow. It always turns into my cat. It is so hard to picture myself holding a baby, a human baby, my baby.

Well, pictured or not, she will be here soon. I have lots of things to do yet and perhaps I should get started. I would make a list, but that would just be killing more time before I actually do something. Maybe I will look at those baby clothes one more time.

Meow.