Sleeping Beauty . . .

. . . or "No Rest for the Wicked"

Piper Blue - 7 Months

Sleeping is one of the things all babies do naturally. They don't need to be taught, helped or convinced to sleep, or so I thought. I remember when Piper was just a newborn and she slept more of the time than not. We would be so excited when she was awake and had her eyes open. It seemed like a rare and wonderful occasion when she would look around and at us directly. It was thrilling.

The time Piper spent with her eyes closed she was either sleeping, just waking up or about to drift back off. She took long naps: three or fours hours at a clip. Everyone eagerly awaited her short windows of consciousness except, of course, at night.

When Piper was less than a month old I was happy when she would sleep three hours at night, delighted if she slept four and frightened if she slept five. We used a Moses basket next to our bed as her cradle for the first three months of her life. At first she looked so tiny in it. It didn't seem cozy at all, but I supposed, it was cozier than a big, open crib. Piper slept happily in her basket, once we could get her to sleep that is.

During the day Piper refused to be put down in the basket and so she napped on whichever warm body was holding her. It was usually me, but sometimes Griffin and, especially in the beginning, often Jan or Claire. She could curl up on Griffin or Jan's chest in a position we dubbed "The Tree Frog". If you have ever seen a tree frog sleeping while stuck to the glass of a terrarium, I don't need to describe Piper's sleeping pose.

During the night, Piper would wake up and nurse and often go right back to sleep, but on occasion she would wake up and start hollering and almost nothing we could do would make her stop. We resorted to the old stand-by for generations of new parents - the car seat. Looking back, I don't know if it was truly the car seat that got Piper back to sleep during those middle-of-the-night desperation drives, or if it was the fact that we bundled her up a bit and didn't have the air conditioning blasting, and therefore, she was finally warm again. The world may never know.

At around two months Piper began sleeping through the night. It was, at first, frightening and after a few nights miraculous. The first morning I woke up and realized that Piper had not awakened at all during the night I quickly looked into her basket, my heart filled with dread. Little Piper was fast asleep cozy in her basket. By this time we had realized babies need to wear more clothes than a cloth diaper and a blanket, so Piper was finally warm enough to sleep for longer periods. I began bragging about her too soon.

The night before I was returning to work, Piper woke up several times. I had thought that she somehow knew that things were going to drastically change for her. Perhaps she did and I was left longing for those summer nights when we all slept soundly.

The change in schedule, not only to feeding, but to sleeping was hard on Piper. She no longer slept through the night and began waking up from one to five times during the night. As the weeks dragged on, I began dragging. I was suffering severely from sleep deprivation. My body became twitchy as did my eyes, I couldn't think straight and I found myself becoming drowsy at the wheel of my car, both coming and going to work. I snapped at students and snapped at Griffin. I was like a starving dog and sleep was the bone I was taunted with, but could never get a hold of.

The times that I did get to sleep at night were not peaceful either. I was so tired that I was cold most of the time and would go to bed with two blankets; actually one was a goose down comforter and the other was a quilted synthetic comforter. I would wake up during the night in a puddle of sweat. Sometimes, when Piper would sleep for several hours, I would wake up in a puddle of sweat and breast milk as my breasts would become full and start to leak. Sleeping with a nursing bra on made me develop clogged milk ducts, so I gave up on that. I would wake up, put a folded fresh sheet on top of my soggy side of the bed and go back to sleep.

Many times when I was nursing her at night in bed I would fall asleep for a moment and twitch awake. When Piper was ready to go back to her bed I would carefully carry her back and try to get her down without waking her. Sometimes I was so exhausted that I was half asleep while I did this. I would go back to bed and fall asleep almost instantly. On occasion during the worst nights, I would half wake up and begin to look for Piper fearing that I had fallen asleep while nursing her. There were even times that I would wake with a start and sit up and look all over for her in a panic. Then I would look over at my darling baby sound asleep where she was supposed to be and I felt a huge rush of relief. As luck would have it, Piper would often wake up shortly after this and I would spring out of bed like a crazy person. It's amazing how you can go from peacefully asleep to wide awake and standing up in two seconds!

Slowly, but slowly Piper adjusted to the new routine. She began sleeping longer at night until one week she slept through the night every night for a week. The next week Jan went in for his knee surgery and our schedules changed again. That was the last time Piper has slept through.

These days I am not the only one suffering from lack of sleep. Many early mornings when Piper did not want to be returned to her basket, or later, her swing, Griffin would sit up and hold her in bed. As she became too big for the tree frog pose, they found another way for her to sleep: more or less stretched out across his chest - belly to belly. This position makes Griffin snore; this position makes Piper snore. I don't sleep well if at all when they are both snoring, but I don't dare wake either of them. At least someone gets to sleep.

When Piper became too big for the Moses basket, and while she still refused to sleep in her crib on her back, we started using a baby swing as her bed. She slept quite well in it during the night although when I had the swing swinging the wind chill factor would make her face feel like a Popsicle. And when she would wake up at night where did she want to put that Popsicle face? Right on my warm and sensitive breast. Hello!!

When Piper turned six months she had out grown her swing. Her feet hung off the edge making her look like a giant. Since the threat of SIDS was mostly passed, we decided to try to get her to sleep in her crib on her belly. We had previously been trying to get her to sleep in the crib on her back which only resulted in her crying hysterically and me becoming a basket case listening to her. We didn't let her cry for more than a couple of minutes because it was clear she was not going to sleep this way. I do not believe in letting a baby 'cry it out' and so we didn't force the crib issue.

Now that she was far too big for the swing, the crib was the only option. From the first time we put her down on her belly we could see the difference. Even if she did wake a bit or even cry, within a minute or two she would fall fast asleep. She now naps in her crib in her bedroom during the day at home or at Grandma and Grandpa's house when I am working. She sleeps at night in the crib in our bedroom. There is no point right now in trying to make her sleep in her own bedroom since she is still waking up two to five times a night. I won't just let her cry herself back to sleep, so it is just easier having her close to me. And Zombie Mommy carries on for another day!

Let's Take a Ride

Piper Blue - 6 months, 3 weeks, 3 days.

The Car Seat - What a torrid love affair.


The day we brought Piper home from the hospital she had her first car seat experience. It was not even in our car. Griffin's vehicle, a Ford Ranger pick-up truck, couldn't comfortably fit a car seat and two adults. He had been looking for a family friendly vehicle that wasn't a minivan and it wasn't an easy choice. So, Griffin ended up having to quickly install one into Jan's car for the trip home.

I had done a lot of research on the best car seats. Turns out Britax was highly rated all around and there was even a model that could fit into my Mini Cooper. We got one for my car, one for Griffin's future vehicle and one for Jan and Claire's car (I figured her grandparents would be driving her around on their own sometimes and wanted the best seat for Piper.) So, the day we were to go home, Griffin was out in the hospital parking lot installing the seat. Nothing like doing things last minute, I guess we were all preoccupied and didn't think about how we going to get her home.

Earlier, I had briefly looked at the instructions for installation and I knew they were complex and confusing. I am sure Griffin was in a tizzy trying to get that thing into the car properly. Turns out there are several positions for the seat: reclined, upright and somewhere in between. The excited Daddy, put the seat into the upright, rear-facing position. Rear-facing, of course, is correct for a newborn, but upright is downright incorrect.

Once we managed to escape from the hospital with our wee one in tow, Griffin buckled her into the seat. I had no idea how to even do that! (Oh, how quickly I would learn!) Piper was sitting almost totally upright hunched over like a little old man. She was blotchy, bald and toothless, and that just added to her 'old-manness'. I decided to sit next to her in the back seat as Griffin drove home. As Piper dozed in the warm sunlight, her head lolled forward. I spent the entire ride home with my hand on her forehead holding her back.

I had thought at the time how nice it was that she liked her car seat - all we would have to do was get it to fully recline. She fell asleep in just minutes, so she must be so comfy and snug. And that was true, for a while. For the next many, many weeks the car seat became the last resort to get Piper to stop crying, just as it is for so many other bleary-eyed parents. There were lots nights that Piper just wouldn't sleep where we found ourselves riding around the lake in desperation. It worked like a charm every time; until it didn't.

One night, when Piper was around two months old, the car seat failed us. It didn't lull her to sleep and she just continued to scream. When we got home from our failed attempt to calm her, she promptly fell asleep. "Strange", I thought. I didn't know the half of it.

From that point on, virtually every time we put Piper in the car seat she screamed. And screamed, and screamed. No longer the place of comfort and relaxation, the car seat became a horrid torture device for Piper and consequently, her parents too. I always sat in the backseat with Piper anyhow, and now it was a requirement. Every time we put her in the car she would scream, so I sat next to her with my head resting on her seat shushing loudly into her ear until she calmed down and usually slept.

Things continued on this way until I returned back to work. I felt so sorry for Jan when he started driving Piper to meet me for lunch each day. Jan's solution was to blast opera at Piper. I had read that loud music or even loud radio static can calm a baby in the car and, by jove, it works! When we were out Griffin would crank up the music too (only we weren't playing opera for her). Slowly, Piper's crabby car seat attitude started to turn around.

After a couple of weeks she didn't need the loud music in the car for Jan. He installed a mirror so he could see her and apparently she could see him too, and they began to have 'conversations' in the car. Piper became a chatterbox. Every day during 'lunch' Jan would report on Piper's progress. I was amazed at how her attitude was improving towards the car seat. Along with the mirror entertainment, Claire got some toys for her to fiddle with and Piper was almost always happily occupied in the car.

Griffin and I clipped some toys to the car seat in our car and she seemed happier in there too. I even ventured into the front seat on a rare occasion, but most of the time I sat in the back with Piper, just in case. Most of the time she was pretty happy and only had the occasional meltdown that forced me to make googly faces and wacko noises at her. She ate it up and would snap out of her crying pretty quickly.

As winter approached, we started dressing Piper in warmer clothing until we resorted to putting her into a full winter coat. Claire had bought the beautiful sky blue, faux fur trimmed coat for Piper and she looked gorgeous in it. Piper, however, hated it . She seemed not unlike the little brother from "A Christmas Story" who cried that he couldn't "put his arms down". Piper was so fluffy in this coat that she couldn't move her arms to play with her toys. The hood was so big that it drooped over her face and we dubbed her "Nanook of the North". She would swivel her head around trying to see. If she could speak, surely she would be shouting, "Where'd everybody go?" So, she went back to screaming in the car and no amount of shushing would calm her. It got to the point where if we had her in the coat and brought her near the car, she would scream. Joy.

We gave up on the coat. It wasn't worth the battle.

One of the things we inherited from Griffin's Aunt Ann's son and daughter-in-law was a car seat snuggily thing. It fits inside the car seat, the belts go through it and it zips up on either side sort of like a sleeping bag. The inside is a faux sheepskin and the outside is fleecy. Piper thinks it's the cat's pajamas. I put her in it and she smiles and wiggles and coos. It is the best thing ever! I now carry Piper outside in a blanket or with a jacket over her shoulders and pop her into the car seat. Piper is so warm and cozy in it that the car seat is once again a wonderful place for her to nap. She no longer needs entertainment, just a little rumbley car ride and she is out like a light.

I can only wonder what spring will bring when it is too warm for the comfy car seat sleepy sack. Perhaps we can get a real, live monkey to leash to the back seat to entertain Piper. Anything to keep the peace.

Eat Your Heart Out

Piper Blue, 6 months, 3 weeks, 2 days

Adventures in Eating

I have been busy, very, very busy. Being Piper's mother is a full time job and I also have another full time job - high school art teacher. I have been back to work since September and it is now December 27th. I had a lot of fears and concerns about returning to work, some of them we had to work through and some problems that arose I never even considered until it was too late. One of the issues turned out to be eating.

Piper loves to eat. Her dense layer of "protection" is a good indicator of that fact. She is also at the 90th percentile for weight for her age, when she was born she was under the 20th percentile. Our pediatricians are very happy with how she looks and have told us not to be concerned about the pounds she has packed on. In fact, she is very healthy and looks like a happy, breastfed baby and she is all-to-happy to breastfeed anytime, anywhere, but don't give her no stinkin' bottle!

When Piper was about 4 weeks old, Griffin and I started giving her a bottle of breast milk once a day. We had been warned by a lactation consultant that if we didn't get this started soon she may reject the bottle altogether. Many breastfeeding mothers have been caught by surprise when they try to return to work and find out that their baby won't take a bottle. I was a little alarmed when I heard this, so we got to work on it.

The first bottle Griffin gave her I had prepared. I warmed the expressed milk and put the nipple on the bottle, however, I neglected to put the extra device in the bottle that makes the milk come out slower, so Piper sucked down that bottle in about one minute. It was pretty amazing! We thought there was no way she would have any trouble accepting a bottle.

At this time, Piper was pretty cranky on and off. We were still so new at the parenting thing that we were making lots of mistakes. We were mistaking her crankiness for colic and were giving her a herbal remedy called "Colic Calm". It has fennel and ginger in it and it supposed to help with digestion for crabby babies. It did seem to help her, so we gave it to her every time we couldn't get her to stop crying. We found that just pouring the dose into a rubber nipple was the easiest way to get her to take it. Pour the liquid in the nipple, pop the nipple in her mouth, she sucks it down quick as a wink. We could have put anything into her mouth and she would have sucked on it. She would have sucked the stripes off a Bengal tiger, but all that was going to change.

It turns out that sucking is a reflex for babies. Newborns have all sorts of reflexes that help them survive the first months of their lives. Some of them are throwbacks to when we all lived in trees and some are important instincts like sucking. This particular reflex, sucking, disappears at around two months of age. Sucking is then no longer a reflex, but a choice. Stripes on tigers are once again safe!

From months two to three we saw the change in Piper's eating habits. She became less willing to take a bottle and started freaking out when anyone would try to give her one. She would scream, cry, thrash and generally meltdown. This was heartbreaking for me to hear and my 'faucets' would turn on and leak pitifully in response.

Since my return to work was coming up very quickly, we all knew we needed to get Piper to cooperate. Jan, my father-in-law, was going to act as our 'manny', not Piper's wet nurse, so she needed to accept a bottle again, right? Well, maybe not.

The first week back to work was hell for everyone involved. Piper refused to take a bottle for the 9 hours I was out of the house. All sorts of people said, "Babies won't starve themselves. She will take the bottle eventually. Let her get hungry enough." Yeah, right! Piper clearly inherited a double dose of stubbornness from both me and Griffin.

No matter how hungry she was she wouldn't drink more than a fraction of an ounce of milk from a bottle that first week. When I would get home from work she was crazed with hunger. Her face was puffy and red from crying and her nursing was intense and frantic. I felt horrible for her, I can't imagine how Jan and Griffin dealt with her all day like that at our house.

We all decided we needed to take another approach. If the 'mountains' can't come to Piper, Piper would go to the 'mountains'. The second week of school Jan started bringing Piper in for lunch. My lunch period is 44 minutes long at 10:15 in the morning. An ungodly hour for me to eat lunch, but apparently, just right for Piper.

Everyday I would meet Jan and Piper in the main office and we would all go down to the nurses' office for me to feed her. During the first couple of weeks, nearly every time I got to the office Piper was crying. She would be so relieved to see me and would start trying to rip my shirt off the second she was in my arms. When I got to feed her she would look at me with a mixture of love and something like worry or confusion. "Where have you been? I am so hungry!"

This arrangement became great for Piper. She loved seeing the teenagers in the office everyday. She loved the secretaries that made a big fuss over her and she began to accept her new feeding schedule. Of course, this wasn't an ideal situation for the rest of us. Jan had to drive her 35 minutes each way on Route 80 which is filled with texting drivers doing 90 miles an hour. I was missing lunch everyday and eating whatever I could whenever I could. Griffin was taking care of her from 6:30 to 9am and then 12 noon until I got home at 2pm instead of working at his home office. We were all making sacrifices for Piper.

Many people suggested that I liked having Piper come in for lunch a little too much and that I should be working on the bottle thing again. Believe me, as much as I loved seeing that chubby face light up when I walked into the office each day, it was putting a major strain on me. Not only was I loosing the time I had to eat lunch, but also I lost the time I had to get other work done. Lunchtime is often used by teachers for prep and planning. I did some planning in my head, but Piper was a real distraction. In addition, I wasn't particularly thrilled to have her schlepped back and fourth to school on a major highway everyday. Not to mention winter would be coming soon and driving Piper in snow and sleet was out of the question. We all knew this couldn't last forever.

Piper loves to eat; I said it before and I'll say it again, and again, and again. Piper loves to eat! When she was around five months old, or even a little younger, she started grabbing food off my plate when I was holding her during dinner. I would wrestle the food out of her pudgy little hand before she could get whatever it was into her open mouth. That was straight where she was going to put it, right into her mouth!

Griffin and I had decided to do "baby led weaning" with Piper. The concept is quite simple: from birth to six months only breast milk, from six months on, she can eat almost anything she can get into her mouth by herself plus all the breastfeeding she wants. At five months and three weeks, we gave her some baby yogurt from a spoon. Piper was intrigued and delighted with this new taste sensation. She kept telling us she was ready to eat 'real' food. Soon after we sat Piper in her highchair and put some of our dinner in front of her, she quickly grabbed a piece of whatever it was and began gnawing on it. She knew just what to do!

Now, more than four weeks later, Piper is eating everything we eat, just the way we eat it. No mashing, no mushing, no spooning it into her mouth. We put all of her food onto her tray and she chooses what to eat and when. At first she would just chew and eventually spit it all out, but now she swallows most everything her little gums have mashed up. More is going in than coming out of her mouth. It is so easy to do and now that I have gotten used to seeing her occasionally gag out pieces of food that are too big to swallow, I can actually enjoy eating dinner! (It's easy to panic when your baby is cough, cough, coughing out a hunk of cheese, but this is how they learn how much to put into their mouths at once.)

All of this eating couldn't have come at a better time. Jan's knee had begun bothering him more and more. This was the knee he had replaced three years ago. After a while, he starting having so much pain that he could hardly carry the little chubster into the school. It was awful for me to watch and yet, at that time Piper still needed to come in to lunch. Words cannot express how much I appreciated Jan's tremendous effort for Piper. Jan finally had to have an operation on his knee and his days of bringing Piper to school were over.

Piper is now being babysat by two of Griffin's aunts. Griffin brings Piper over to his parents' house in the morning and on Mondays Aunt Joan watches her and the rest of the week Aunt Ann watches her. Piper happily eats anything they offer her, except of course, a bottle which occasionally someone still tries with her. She looks at the bottle and back at the person offering it to her with an expression that clearly says, "Me suck? No, you suck. Get me some cheese!"

Ahhh-Gooo

Piper 10 weeks, 1 day

Piper has become a chattering machine. A few weeks ago she really started to smile with regularity and her little noises began to sound like words. She has now progressed to long sessions of sitting on our laps and carrying on 'conversations' that are filled with genuine smiles in reaction to our faces. She looks deeply into our eyes and with a joyous face says, "Ahhh-Goooo".

Now I am not going to be one of those parents that thinks her child is a genius, but I swear Piper has been saying "good" and "okay". I always say, "Is that gooood?" when I am nursing her and we both say, "Okay," when we pick her up. When she is upset and I have her over my shoulder, Piper says "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma" as her mouth bounces off my neck while she bobbles her head about. What else would she say when whimpering from being tired as I try to coax her to sleep?

I don't know when most babies are supposed to start talking, but Piper's babbling is is filled with multisyllabic words and compound sentences in her own little language. She is well on her way to giving a monologue about the trials of being a month old with foolish parents and how she 'survived' our ignorance. A speech I probably don't want to hear.

Piper is not only verbally advanced, but physically as well. From her very first day of life outside of the womb, she was able to lift her head up. On day two, she turned her face towards the sound of her uncle's voice on a cell phone. By one month old she could head-butt me like a drunken Irish soccer player and shortly after that had such good head control that she could 'fake me out' too. When lying on her belly during "Tummy Time", Piper could lift her head off the rug when she was just two and a half weeks old. Now she can do 'push ups' like a Marine in boot camp. She also crawls in place and has begun to scoot backwards. I figure she just wants to get a better view of the room by backing up, surely she is not backing away from her cheering parents' giant, admiring faces.

Piper is sleeping much better at night: from six to eight hours at a clip. It was stunning the first time she slept seven and a half hours one night. I was shocked when I checked the time as Griffin changed her when she woke up. I even counted on my fingers to make sure my math wasn't a bit fuzzy. Seven and a half hours! Now it has become commonplace for her to have a nice long night's sleep.

Of course, Piper wakes up ravenous. Going such a long time without eating brings out the wild animal in her and I have taken to calling her my "Baby Bobcat". Babies' fingernails grow very fast and after our first and only attempt at cutting them, I was just letting them grow. Occasionally, I would try to file them down, but Piper would fidget after the second one and I would give up.

In the morning after a long sleep Piper really wants to eat and gets very excited as she does so. She waves her little arm around as she slurps down my milk. If I am not paying attention to her and she slips a little from the nipple, she brings out the claws - those tiny baby nails turn into the slashing tools of a wildcat. The delicate skin on my chest has become her scratching post as she claws at me in frustration. I have to quickly readjust her to get the mauling to stop.

My in-laws babysat Piper two weeks ago while Griffin and I got to go out as a couple for a few hours. While Piper slept, my mother-in-law bravely cut Piper's nails. When she had offered to do this for us, I was very happy to let her. Piper squirms too much when she is awake to use those baby clippers and when she is asleep during the day I hate to wake her up. When we picked Piper up, Grandma informed us that she cut Piper's nails with no problem. I looked at them and indeed, they were nice and short.

During our next nursing session, when Piper began to bobble a bit, she whipped out her claws and I realized that my "Baby Bobcat" had turned into Freddie Kruger! Those cute little baby clippers made her tiny nails so sharp that Piper's slashing began to draw blood. I am now adorned with tiny, little scabs all over my chest. I have since tried to file her nails, but it hasn't done much good. Griffin and I will be making an attempt to cut her nails using a different clipper today.

Somehow, I have gotten off the track of how talented and advanced our little Piper is. As time is quickly running by, we are all getting along much better. Griffin and I are able to quiet her crying in minutes, if not, seconds. Piper sleeps through the night like a knocked-out champ and sucks down my milk like a hungry calf, forceful letdown and all. Things have vastly improved for all of us and Piper is becoming the adorable baby that we thought only existed in the minds of idealistic parents of older children.

So Much We Don't Know

Piper Blue - 8 Weeks, 3 Days

Time has been slipping by quietly and nearly unnoticed. I will be returning to work in a little more than a month and will do so with mixed feelings. Taking care of Piper has been far more exhausting than I ever thought possible. I had no idea being a parent would consume virtually all of time and most of my identity. Going back to work may give me a better chance at getting some rest.

I had always assumed that there would be sleepless nights when my baby would cry and keep me awake, but I didn't know that it would drive me to the edge of sanity some nights. We try to do everything that is the best for our baby, but if you don't know what they really need it's very easy to fail. This summer has been brutally hot and Piper had been wearing just her cloth diapers all day. We would wrap her in a blanket if she seemed cold and would do the same at night. At night we were swaddling her as well, but she is a thrasher and could get out of the swaddle and kick the blanket off her completely. We figured she was hot and that the swaddle was just torture for her. Why torture our kid?

Things have gotten remarkably better over the last week or ten days. It's really hard to say how long since my days all seem to blend together, but before this 'improvement' Piper was sleeping from about 3 hours down to as little as 10 or 20 minutes at a clip at night. There were nights where she barely slept at all and, therefore, we barely slept at all. Piper sleeps in a Moses basket on the floor next to my side of the bed. During the night she would start screaming from a dead sleep and scare the heck out of me. I would pick her up nurse her until she calmed down and then wake Griffin to change her. Griffin would wake with a start like I just told him the house was on fire. He would leap out of bed before I could utter the word 'diaper'. It was as much comical as it was disturbing. This was happening 5 or 6 times every night.

So Griffin would change her diaper and return her to me to finish nursing. He would wash his hands and return to bed. Laying in bed, Griffin would try to get back to sleep while I nursed Piper. I had to have the bedside lamp on, so Griffin would balance a pillow over his eyes. One twitch and surely it would flip down and smother him. I spent a lot of time looking at him sleeping that why while Piper chewed on my nipples and spit milk all over the place. I wanted to sleep too.

So I would lie in bed with Piper and nurse her as best I could. I was struggling with a forceful letdown, actually Piper was struggling with it. Every time I would nurse her my milk would come out so hard that she would choke on it. Sometimes she choked so badly that her lips turned blue for a moment - or maybe it was my imagination; either way it scared the hell out of me every time. I kept having visions of her dying in my arms choking on my milk. How horrible it would be to go through all that we did only to lose her now! My heart would pound as I gently, but firmly patted her back until she could breathe again.

Getting her back to sleep was a challenge too. Usually, after choking a few times, Piper would get sleepy and doze off while nursing. I would try to carry her back to her basket and put her back to sleep. Some times it would work and she would stay asleep and I could crawl back to bed. Other times her eyes would POP open as soon as her head touched the sheet in her basket.

At that point, I had two choices, pick her back up and rock her until she fell asleep again, or let her lie in her basket and hope she would fall asleep on her own. I did try the latter several times. Usually it was exhaustion that drove me to try it, but it was a foolish thing to do. Piper would not go back to sleep, she would wave her arms wildly and slowly wind up her crying into a full-blown wail. Usually, I had just gotten settled back in bed and would have to leap out and pick her up again.

Then it was back to trying to soothe her to sleep all over again. This cycle would go on all night. Usually every two hours or so. Sometimes it would take an hour or more to get her to sleep again. Griffin would walk her, bounce her, rock her and she would go from being almost asleep to wailing and back again. We would try to return to her bed, but no matter how carefully we tried to get her into the basket when she was asleep, more than half the time she would wake right up. I couldn't figure out how other parents could do this. What were we doing wrong?

Since it is summer and rather hot on the second floor of our house where our bedroom is, we have an air conditioner running at night. It makes the stifling, sticky air more tolerable. Unfortunately, we didn't realize that babies like to be warm - warmer than we want to be. One day I read that 'cool sheets' could be 'trouble' for a fussy baby. The recommendation was to "put a warm towel down in the crib for a few minutes before laying the baby down". Where was I supposed to get warm towels from at three in the morning? However, I did have a heating pad that I had used for my sciatic pain when I was pregnant, so I decided to try using that to warm up her basket.

One night, not so long ago, I put the heating pad in when Griffin picked her up to change her (we switched the routine so that Griffin changed her first and then I nursed her back to sleep). When she was clean and dry and she ate her fill, I carried her limp, sleeping body back to the basket, yanked out the heating pad and placed her in. She stretched out, almost smiled, and fell deeper into sleep. Miracle! Of course two hours later she was up again.

After several nights of doing this it dawned on me that she might be cold at night. We sleep on our bed with comforters and sometimes it is hot, but I can't sleep unless I have something on me and I love to snuggle into the blanket as the air conditioning cools the room. When I would put a blanket on Piper and tuck it in, she would just kick it off in a matter of minutes. I thought this meant she was hot and "didn't need no stinkin' blankets", apparently, she is just a kicker. She kicked off the blanket because she likes to kick, she wasn't making a calculated choice to be cooler and remove the little cotton blanket. My mistake.

I had read over and over that a baby should wear one more layer than you wear. They need to be kept a little warmer, but this is the summer and with every crying jag she sweats up a storm. Wearing clothes just makes her sweat more when she cries - nevertheless, I decided to try putting a little sleep sack on her for the nighttime. This was the kind that has a piece of fabric you can attach to it and velcro it into a swaddle. I didn't put the swaddle on and just zipped her into the sack part. It was sleeveless, so I figured she wouldn't be too hot in it.

After feeding her that night, I put her to bed wearing the 'sack'. Low and Behold! She slept for four hours! I was so shocked when I looked at the time that I was afraid she had died in her sleep. I clicked on the light and looked at her in her basket. She was awake, but not crying, just squirming and mewling a bit. Griffin changed her, I fed her and got her back to sleep in a half hour. Didn't even need the heating pad.

The next night I dressed her in a sleep sack with sleeves and she slept for five hours! Piper was cold all this time. What horrible parents we are for not figuring this out sooner. I felt so guilty that I had been letting our baby freeze overnight and I felt stupid for thinking I was doing it because she wanted it that way.

During the day we were still just dressing her in only her diaper and a blanket. It occurred to me perhaps she is cold during the day too? Perhaps this is why her naps are so short? Perhaps. I put one of those little 'onesie' outfits on her and she slept for four hours during the day. Well, I felt doubly stupid. Of course she was cold during the day, we have been sitting in one room that has air conditioning and we try to put her into her swing to sleep and with the breeze of swinging she was turning into a popsicle!

Needless to say, we have been dressing Piper night and day now. Her sleeping has gotten so much better. Those nights of barely any sleep and feeling like a zombie during the day seem like so long ago now. I feel foolish, but in my defense, of all the advice I had gotten about how to get her to sleep longer, no one said to us, "Put some clothes on that kid!". There's so much we don't know. Live and learn. Sorry, Piper, we will try to do better.

Trial and Error and Error and Error

Piper Blue - 6 weeks old

When I think back over the last 10 months, I find it amazing how many of my ideas have changed and how many have remained the same. Parenting is all a big experiment to me; one that I cannot end, now that it has begun. I did lots of research on how to raise a baby and I had lots of preformed opinions already. Just looking back at my blog post from January 19th when I went to register at Babies 'r' Us with Griffin and my in-laws, I have to chuckle. It seems like so long ago. So what has changed and what have I stuck to my guns on? What has worked and what hasn't? Here's a small bit . . .

Two car seats - check! Plus one for our 'manny' Jan, my father-in-law's car. I just don't feel comfortable having my precious package riding in a used car seat. What I didn't know about car seats is that infants don't fit snugly in the one-size-fits-all type. I didn't want to get an infant car seat because I didn't want to carry my baby around in a bucket and I didn't want to have to buy another car seat when she got a little bigger.

Griffin installed the car seat when I was in the hospital, so I never got to inspect it or see how it worked. When I was discharged, I just got in the car and Griffin buckled her in. Piper was three days old. The car seat was sitting up at a 90 degree angle and her head flopped around like a sock puppet. I held her forehead up the entire 45 minute ride home. Griffin has since made several changes to the seat and the angle is now about 45 degrees and she can fall asleep in it very easily. In fact, when Piper won't sleep, usually at some ungodly time at night, we have resorted to driving her around until she falls asleep.

Bottles and Nipples - check! I did get a set of glass bottles and silicone nipples and have been using them to let others feed Piper. I was informed by a lactation consultant that I should be pumping milk and having someone give her a bottle once a day so she gets used to it while she is small. The consultant said there was a chance that if we waited until September to do this she may reject the bottle all together. What would we do if she wouldn't take the bottle? I couldn't go back to work, I guess. That was not part of the plan.

So, I purchased the breast pump that my research told me was the best one, an Ameda, and I used it pretty successfully the first time. The pump dumps the milk into a plastic bottle, BPA-free, and in turn I poured the milk into our fancy glass bottles. Griffin had washed all the parts for the bottles and put them into a bag. I looked at the nipples and other bits and could get the bottle together, but I didn't use a few pieces. Oh, well. I brought Piper's very first bottle to Griffin and he fed her. She sucked the milk down like a whino with a bottle of Thunderbird. In 30 seconds it was all gone, almost 3 ounces! Griffin later informed me that those other bits to the bottle were to help slow the flow of milk so she couldn't gulp it down. Whoops.

Still skipping the infant bathtub? - check! Piper has had a total of four baths in six weeks - once in the tub with me and then all the rest in our kitchen sink. The first two baths we didn't even use soap of any kind and still she smells, well, like nothing. Not like soap or powder or perfumes from disposable diapers. I love it. For some reason, I cannot stop sniffing her. When she snuggles up and lays on my chest with hr head under my chin, I will kiss the top of her head and have a sniff every few minutes. What am I sniffing if she doesn't smell like anything? Pheromones would be my guess. I am compulsive about it.

Nail clipper - check! Used it once when she was about a week old. Griffin and I tried to cut her teeny-tiny nails together. I held her, he clipped. At one point he thought he cut the tip of her finger off. He jumped, I jumped, Piper slept. I don't know how he had the nerve to keep cutting, but he did. Since then we haven't used it again. Her nails seem to peel off when they get a little long and until then, I simply endure her scratching my breast like a wild cat. She doesn't seem to scratch her face too often, just mine.

Thermometer - check! We have used it several times now. When Piper goes into a crying fit she sweats profusely, it feels like she has a fever. The thermometer reassures us that she is not sick and just heating herself up and not crying because she is already hot. Of course, why she was screaming was a mystery, but we could resolve it with a trip in the car. See above.

Brush - X. Still have not used that brush. Piper's hair is getting longer and longer. It is getting thicker too, but just not enough to warrant using a brush on her tender little head. Maybe in a few months. Maybe just for kicks.

No stroller - check! I didn't want to use a stroller and 'push my baby away from me' and I still don't. We have taken her out to her grandparents' house, food shopping, the doctors' (hers and mine) and even to Sears. No stroller, in fact, so far no carrier of any kind except my arms. She is still small and fairly light and easy to carry. I will start using our Ergo Baby Carrier soon since Piper is now a chunky 11 pounds and packing on the chub all the time. I love just taking her out of the car seat and carrying her off to whatever we are doing. She loves to be held, really loves it. I almost think that it would be sheer torture for her to be in a stroller and so far away from our loving arms.

No baby vibrating bouncy seats - check! These wouldn't work for little Miss Clingy anyhow. Oftentimes she won't even tolerate lying on a pillow right next to us. She wants to be on one of us. I can't imagine her being happy in a vibrating baby seat on the floor. Can all that vibration be good for a baby anyhow? It would be like sitting on a jackhammer all day, sounds like fun, right?

Boon Flair highchair - check! It looks awesome! The hydraulic lift is very cool and it wheels around like a sleeping robot. It is the perfect highchair . . . to pile a whole bunch of baby junk on. I guess I wasn't thinking when I ordered it; we won't be using this until Piper is four or five months old. And she won't even be eating anything then, it just will take that long until she can fit into it. Until then, I will pile and unpile various baby items and other crap on it. I hope I can still find it when she is ready to use it.

Crib and Cradle - X. So far, the only thing Piper's beautiful crib has been good for is as a holding cage while I wash my hands after changing her diaper. It is very effective for that purpose, but not for much else. Since she doesn't like to be put down on a soft pillow, she really doesn't like to be in a fancy wooden cage either, but eventually, she will, right?

I ended up nixing the cradle for a moses basket. It was a good decision, I think. I love the reed basket and Piper will sleep in it pretty well during the night. I also liked it because it a 'safe' place to stow her when I need to put her down and do something. Although, I have to admit, I am at the point where I just lay her on the floor wherever I am to do whatever I need to do with two hands. Running to get the basket was a short lived plan. Good thing I am flexible and not too concerned about letting the dog press her wet nose on my child's delicate forehead while I butter a bagel for myself.

Swaddling outfits and baby clothes - check! and X. The swaddling outfits are great for Piper if you take off the wings that do the swaddling. She prefers to be hugged rather than wrapped like a psycho in a straitjacket. I don't blame her. And since it is the middle of summer, wearing anything other than a diaper seems a bit ridiculous. Her cloth diapers are like little shorts, so she looks sort of dressed. Of course, not wanting to look like a 'bad mother' I do put a little outfit on her when we go somewhere. It's not like I am putting cover-up on bruises, but I do feel like I am hiding our 'neglect of using clothing'. I guess I don't want strangers to think we let our wee one run around, okay, flop around at home half naked. But I'll admit it - she is just a diaper away from being a nudist all day.

One final note - cloth diapers, a big CHECK! there. We love them. We have now found the brand that works best for us, Fuzzi Bunz, and will be using them until she is potty trained. Griffin washes them every other day. It's just one load of laundry, we do her blankets and the flat diapers that I use during feeding in that load as well. It feels so good not to be throwing bags full of plastic diapers into the trash. I also love the fact that Piper doesn't 'crinkle' when I hold her and she doesn't smell like a cheap air freshener. I have a feeling that Piper will be out of diapers a lot sooner than babies that wear the disposable kind anyhow. She lets us know when she is wet right away; she doesn't like sitting around in her own excrement, so I think, given the opportunity, she will gladly pee and poop somewhere else rather than in her own pants, but wouldn't we all?

The Six Week Recap

Piper Blue - 5 weeks, 6 days

Time is flying by for our little family. I can't believe Piper will be six weeks old tomorrow. She is so time consuming that I haven't been able to get much done. One thing that is quick and easy to do is the status updates on Facebook. These are the updates I wrote along with a smattering of comments from others. I thought this would be an interesting way to look at the last six weeks in written 'snapshots'. I will start from the day before Piper was born:



Six years today! Can't believe we are married for six years! Time went by so fast - well except for the last nine months - that has been taking forever!

Congrats! Wait 'til you see how fast the next 40+ go!


Piper Blue was born on May 30th - twice! Will have to write a blog post to explain... we are all now home safe and sound. Thanks for all of the well wishes.

Congrats!! Irony is that you'd be having your party at this very time! So now, going forward there will be more to celebrate - the birth of your wonderful daughter, so happy for you both!!

Piper's Wild Ride . . . .
http://pregnantafterprom.blogspot.com/

What a wonderful story, my eyes welled up with tears at the end..I was waiting for this final entry to your blog..Or is it the final entry? So happy for you guys! and Piper is one lucky little girl to have parents that just loved and wanted her so very much. Like a little miracle.

I Heart my Uterus.
 . . http://pregnantafterprom.blogspot.com/

Calling all moms who nursed! Anyone have such a strong letdown that their baby would choke and wheeze? Any advice?

Sounds like you have a good supply! Piper could be reacting to either an overabundant supply or an forceful let down. Do you have a pump? If so, can you pump for a couple of minutes just prior to nursing her? This may help her by allowing your milk to let down-she won't have to gulp to adjust for the flow.

Try nursing Piper with her head higher than your nipple line to ensure that she can handle the milk. Some mamas with over abundant supplies or forceful letdowns have found success with nursing this way as well as using the football hold. (which is great post c-section) You can lean back and the baby's head will fall into a natural upward position.
You can try nursing her on one side only, then offering her the same breast for two feedings in a row (then switch to the other side for a couple of feedings) This can help your body adjust to an over abundant supply.



Thanks for the advice Mary - I am currently doing all of those things - I don't have a pump, but have hand expressed to lessen the flow. I am starting to get a handle on getting her into a good position - but sometimes she still chokes once or twice during the feeding and drops the nipple. I sit her up right when she chokes and tap and rub her back...

We have our first pediatrician appointment tomorrow - hopefully they can eliminate some of our concerns . .. thanks for your encouragement!


Seems like things are leveling out . . . except for Piper's weight - she is up to 7lbs 1oz. Already 5oz over her birth weight at 9 days old! My little piggy . . .

That's a beautiful thing - she will be a good sleeper :o)



Last night was a little better. I have a lactation consultant coming tomorrow - hopefully she will give me some tips to make things easier....


Piper gained 7oz in 4 days! She is up to 7lbs 8oz. And I have lost 25lbs in 11 days. She is sucking the weight off me. Zowie!!

The beauty of breast feeding... good for child GREAT for mom!

Why are we still awake?

oh Piper. 
http://pregnantafterprom.blogspot.com/

Newborns are like cars: If it makes a bad noise, its either

1. intake....needs food

2. combustion.....needs to be burped

3. exhaust.....wet or nasty diaper

4. operating temperature.....too hot or too cold...


if it's not one of those things, report to maintenance.

Where do I find this 'maintenance' place? Can I drop her off for a couple hours?



7 sherwood forest drive.....its called gramma's house.... :)



You go, Melissa!



You say that now Jan - she has had QUITE a day already! And if she is an angel when we get to your place I will eat my hat!!


ah, Kerri - I promise you will go through MANY hats.......


Having another off night. I am so tired - why isn't she?

Kerri, I am sorry that you are not sleeping, but she will get used to nights and days, eventually.

Haha.

Eventually. I feel like she is using me as an "all you cat eat - 24 hour buffet".


Those little ones like to play with you. They sleep great in the beginning and then they get all confused!

They sleep like angels during the day and stay up all night! It will get better...just takes time. Best advice, nap when she naps!


Patience. You will look back at these days in years from now and wish they were back. I'm so so happy for you sweetie!

Funny how taking a few hundred photos makes everything alright again. LOL

2:07. Yawn. Please sleep more than an hour....

Oh, no! I remember those days! I hope Piper starts sleeping better for you!


Desperate times, desperate measures.

uhoh ---

We bought a baby swing, because Mommy's arms are ready to fall off.

She was good overnight and so far this morning. Hope I am not jinxing it!

The cats love Piper. They just left her a dead chipmunk in her room. Nice.

I know that is supposed to mean that they accept, and welcome her......but that is gross!!!!



isn't that sweet, you have taught your kitties to share so well. . .( P.S. Double Yuck!)



At least they didn't rip it apart. It looked like it was sleeping. A sweet little toy....


Waaaa. waaaaa WAAAAA. (And the baby cries a lot too.)

2:22

I will never be ready for Sunday, but Piper was born ready.

Don't ask me if Piper slept. It's another cranky night.

LIAR!!! She was a little darling all afternoon...



I don't think I've had a good nights sleep in 5 years
‎
4:25am. Piper, Piper, Piper. Mommy needs her beauty sleep she is turning into a crabby hag!



of course she is going to be cranky, it's the day before the party. That's always the way.

Megan is right there will be plenty of people to hold her, just keep "utilizing your resources". This is a win win for all.

Piper is sleeping, finally, after an hour of tired crying. Shhhhhhhhhh.

WooHoo! Yeeeaaaahhhh baby! :-)



Nevermind. Up and screaming again.



She was great at the party though......

yeah-she slept so much at the party she's gonna be up all night!

My daughter, the yoyo. Now she is sleeping on me, but wants nothing to do with her bed. :(


Just give me a ring and I will be over to put her to sleep!!!



Jenn is "Super Nanny" in disguise! :-)


Still in bed at 9:43. Piper is snoozing. After hollering for an hour last night she had the best sleep ever! And now she is smiling at me. Awwww.

The miracle of fresh air an sunshine!

She likes parties.



Someone must have slipped her some booze - she is still sleeping!



Anytime you want a group of us to come over and hold her, just let us know, LOL!


Who's taking bets? Sleep or no sleep?

sleep! hopefully..



So far, so good. 4 hour stretch



But 45 minutes later she is still wide awake.



Let's see. Asleep at 11, up at 3. Asleep at 4:30, up at 5:30. Asleep at 6, up at 7:30. Back asleep and up at 9:30. No crying fits, just periods of wide awake.

Sleeping now. Angel.


Just getting to sleep at 1am. Going to be a long night.

5am. Driving Piper around to get her to sleep. tWas a long night.

ooooh :(



Oh, Piper!

try putting her on the dryer. I know that your tired, so remember, ON the dryer.



ahh, the dryer, the same principal as the vacuum cleaner.



Piper is going to become very familiar with our appliances, very soon!



I don't know the vacuum cleaner thing. . .please share?

When my daughter was an infant, she was crying, but I had company coming and had to vacuum the rugs. I was holding her in one arm and started the vacuum at which point her head went down on my shoulder and she went to sleep. Ask Jan and Claire, we went everywhere with our vacuum. Studies show dryers, blow dryers and vacuums remind infants of the sounds of the womb, so they go to sleep. I worked with a psychologist one time that recorded his vacuum for his infant daughter.

Also, "shushing " softly in their ear does the same thing.



Oh yes. I am a shushing queen now. You should see me shush and bob!


Is this a Festivus in July miracle? Piper has gone back to sleep after 40 minutes! Yippee.

Ooh... I need to pull out my list for the airing of grievances!

We are going to do the feats of strength today - how many times can I hoist an 11 pound baby?



__________________________________________________________



It has been a long six weeks and it has also flown by so quickly. I appreciate all of the love and support from our family and friends. Piper is snoozing on my chest now - these are the moments that make it all worth while . . .

Getting to Know You

Piper - 2 Weeks, 3 days

I knew that having a baby would change my life; change our lives, but I had no idea how profoundly it would affect me. Once we got Piper home from the hospital, I was in total control. Oh, sure, Griffin has some control, but it is minimal, after all, I am the source of food and knowledge.

Breastfeeding is supposed to be the best thing you can do for your child. Somehow, my breasts and my baby are in communication with each other. I have read that breast milk changes consistency and content as the baby needs. The beginning of the feeding is different from the end of the feeding. I can actually see this, too. The 'fore milk' is thin and watery. It helps hydrate the baby; as opposed to the 'hind milk' which flows after 10 minutes or so. That has lots of fat and is very filling; it is supposed to make the baby feel full and satisfied. I can see the difference in the appearance of the milk as it dribbles off her face, runs down my belly and drips everywhere.

My breasts are also in competition with each other. When I feed Piper on one side, the other side begins to drip. I think it is jealous. If I take Piper off for a moment to burp her in the middle of a feed, they both drip. Now the other one is mocking the unused one. Crybaby comes to mind. Of course all of this dripping means one thing to me - I will be smelling like spoiled milk in a few hours.

It doesn't matter that I stink like an old dairymaid - the only one who would notice is Piper and I think it makes me even more appealing to her. She can smell me when I walk into the room. Of course, this doesn't happen very often, because I don't get to leave the room without her too frequently.

When I was researching different opinions on how to raise and care for a baby, one of the things I came across was 'baby wearing'. Basically, keeping your child in a sling or carrier on your body for most of the day. The benefits really make sense - child cries less, feels safer in a more 'womb-like' environment, develops a deeper bond, and so on. I had purchased a carrier for both Griffin and me, but I have yet to successfully use it. Don't get me wrong, I will use it, but right now she is relatively small and light and it is just easier to tuck her into my arm and carry her around. I know this won't last.

I am also anti-bouncy-seat, baby swing and baby buckets (also known as infant car seats). Even though we have a baby, I don't want my house filled with baby crap. Oh, people tell me it will happen, I will be tripping over toys and baby junk in no time, but I am going to fight it. I am a minimalist.

Piper sleeps in a Moses basket. It is a beautifully constructed, slightly soft, reed basket with a thin mattress and cover on the inside. It seems to be pretty comfy for her and she sleeps in it just fine at night. I can get her to sleep in it during the day if she is really tired, but if there is any energy in her, she will cry and whimper until one of us rescues her. Piper is much happier sleeping when we hold her or at the very least when she is nestled on a pillow next to us - right next to us.

Griffin is still working, until July 1st, he tells me. And even though he is working from home most days, he is very busy and doesn't get to spend much time with Piper. Griffin also does all of the running around that I can't do. He has also had meetings for work, had to buy a family car and get rid of the truck, and our oil tank developed a leak (which we discovered the day we got home from the hospital) so there have been lots of people coming and going to work on that. All the while, it is just me and Piper, trying to cope with each other.

I have said it before and I will say it again, I am not a baby person. I love my baby, it's almost shocking to me how much I love her. She makes cute little noises when she sleeps and when she eats. She makes hilarious faces all day long that never cease to amuse me. And when she is sleeping and dead to the world in my arms, I am so happy to snuggle and cuddle her. I suffered through so much to get her it almost doesn't seem real. But, because I am not a baby person, I don't know what is 'normal' and what to worry about. I tend to err on the side of 'worry'.

This has been such an ongoing learning process for me. Initially, when she would cry, I would become alarmed and try everything in my power to get her to stop. This usually meant that I would be whipping out a boob to feed her - even if she was not hungry. Apparently, you can lead a baby to milk and make her drink. But now, I am starting to learn her cries and what they mean, so I can respond in a more helpful way.

Speaking of which. She is hungry now....

I Heart My Uterus

Piper - 6 Days old.

Piper's birth was amazing in and of itself, but shortly afterward we received information that makes her existence even more stunning. The doctor that performed the c-section mentioned to us, rather off handedly, that I have a bicornuate uterus. We were in in recovery, I think, when he told us, or rather, asked us if we knew that I had this condition.

At the time, I had only a vague understanding of what that meant. A normal uterus is like an up-side-down pear - the top having the most space. A bicornuate uterus is malformed on top with a wall coming down in the middle. Basically, I have a heart shaped womb. There are a lot of variations of a bicornuate uterus - from just having a small septum that creates two little humps at the top of the uterus to ones where the septum runs all the way down essentially creating two separate wombs as well as two separate cervices. Mine, apparently, has enough of a septum to distort my fundus into two large humps instead of the smooth, round shape the top of the uterus is supposed to have - thus, the heart shaped uterus.


When the OB came by our hospital room a couple of days after Piper was born, he gave us a fuller explanation and literally drew us a picture of it. He said that this is something that is formed when you are still a fetus and there is nothing that can be done to prevent the formation and gave us some rough statistics about it. Apparently, this is also the reason that Piper wouldn't turn from the breech position; she couldn't turn. She was stuck in one of the humps of my heart shaped womb. "If only he had known this", the doc said to us, "I never would have even tried the version". He acted like it was a waste of his special skill. He also asked why I had never been screened for this deformity since I did have 4 miscarriages. We didn't know, but some questions of my own were starting to form.

Here is what I have learned and what makes Piper all the more precious to us:

A bicornuate uterus is a birth defect, there is usually nothing that can be done to repair it and it often goes unnoticed until there is a problem with a pregnancy. It occurs in about 0.1% of women. If the baby starts growing in one of the humps on top of the uterus the pregnancy will usually end in miscarriage, because that area cannot expand enough to accommodate a baby. This could explain all of the miscarriages I had.

If the embryo implants in the larger, lower part of the uterus it has a better chance of survival, about 55%. As the baby grows and starts to run out of room they often end up in a breech or transverse position and get stuck that way. There is a 25% chance of preterm delivery with these babies. Piper was born at 39 weeks, which is considered full term, so she was very lucky in that regard as well. Preterm babies can have so many problems, it's scary to think about. Some babies are born with birth defects from being cramped, or have low birth weight or an abnormal size, or general growth retardation - Piper has none of these, another bullet dodged. So, of course, pregnant women with bicornuate uteruses are considered high risk - my old doctors got that right, just not for the right reason.

Knowing all of this answers a lot of questions about what was going wrong for us, but it leaves me with a sense of frustration that none of our doctors ever thought to check for it. The diagnosis can be made with an ultrasound, how could this have been missed for the last three years? The only tests I was ever sent for were blood tests, which all came back normal. Did the doctors just not think that this was a possibility? I may never know.

I knew that Piper had a miraculous entrance into this world, I just didn't know that the miracle started the day she was conceived. It is such a wonder how all of the stars aligned and everything worked out so beautifully. And the whole issue of getting Piper to spin and not being able to do so also makes perfect sense now, too. She wasn't being stubborn, she was stuck in my 'heart'. Griffin, Piper and I are indeed very lucky to all be together now.

Make Way for Piper Blue

The Birth x 2

In an effort the get Piper to spin from breech to vertex, really the last ditch effort, I started going for Mayan Abdominal Massage. This is not the type of massage that just makes you feel good, rather, it is intended to help prepare babies to be born. Part of the purpose of the massage is encouraging babies to shift to head down; part of it is to help ensure a speedy labor.

I had my first massage on Thursday. Jennifer, the M.A.M., was very calm, almost mystical and helped foster a feeling of peace and relaxation in me. She would pause during the massage to 'speak' to Piper and ask her to turn head down. Piper rolled around slowly inside me, but didn't turn. I scheduled two more sessions for Friday and Saturday. Jennifer asked me to have Griffin come with me - 'just in case'. She said that there are points she could work to help the baby move, but they could also trigger labor. I was rather doubtful of that, but asked Griffin to go with me for the next two appointments anyhow.

On Friday she taught Griffin a few moves to help labor progress if we needed it. They both worked on stretching my body: Griffin took a foot and Jennifer took a hand and they gently pulled. It felt great. The next day we went to our four o'clock appointment and she did the same basic things, plus a few more.

It was Saturday and our 6th anniversary. We met my in-laws, Jan and Claire, for a celebratory dinner at the Black Forest Inn, a German restaurant. Dinner was delicious and I managed to save room for some ice cream - soft serve chocolate and vanilla twist. Yum! We talked about the fact that Piper might actually be coming late. We were so sure she was going to be early, but it wasn't looking that way anymore. I was 39 weeks pregnant.

Griffin and I were pretty pooped and we went to bed early at just past nine. Shortly after midnight, I woke up feeling 'off''. I had a coughing fit and went into the bathroom and threw up in the sink a little. This wasn't an unusual occurrence, my stomach had be squashed by Piper for a couple of months and food backed up rather easily. I felt a little crampy and went back to bed. Ten minutes later I felt really crampy and went to use to toilet. It felt like my dinner was disagreeing with me.

I returned to bed to try to sleep it off. At this point Griffin was awake and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I either had food poisoning or I was going into labor. We tried to sleep, but ten minutes later I was back in the bathroom on the toilet feeling miserable and my stomach lurched. I launched my dinner and dessert into the bathtub next to the toilet with a splash. It was disgusting.

Griffin got up and cleaned the tub. I sat on the bed and moaned at my belly pain. We decided there was no use trying to sleep anymore, so we went downstairs. This was just before 1am. We sat in the library and Griffin read something and I tried to relax when a real contraction hit me. It was like really bad gas pains stabbing me in the belly. I checked my phone for the time at it was shortly after 1am. The next contraction hit me a little harder ten minutes later.

If we were going to go the the hospital, as I figured would be happening since I could feel Piper kicking the same low spot in my belly, we needed to get some stuff done. I managed to get my things together that had been sitting in a drawer, just in case. I gathered some stuff together for Piper. Griffin ran around the house gathering odds and ends and doing some last minute things for the house.

Back in the library, we started discussing calling our midwife Judy. The birthing class we took said to wait until the mother starts ripping off her clothes because she is so hot she can't stand it. I told Griffin to call NOW! He talked to her and told her what had happened so far. I was on the couch on all fours moaning loudly into a pillow through another, stronger contraction, still 10 minutes apart.

Judy wanted to talk to me so Griffin handed me the phone. I spoke to her for a few minutes, I have no idea what I said, and another contraction came. I was on all fours on the overstuffed leather chair. I waved the phone at Griffin because I couldn't speak, only moan.

She asked him a few questions, something like: How far apart are the contractions? 10 minutes, maybe a little closer. Is the baby still breech? Yes. Do you want to go to the hospital? Yes. Which hospital?

Which hospital. We just had this discussion the day before. We decided that we liked the doctor who worked out of Hackensack much better than the one that tried to do the version on me who was in Morristown. Yes, Hackensack was farther away, but it would be nice to work with someone who seemed to care a bit more about us and our options. So.

Which hospital? MORRISTOWN! I don't know why I knew I needed to get to help as fast as possible, but I did. I moaned horrible guttural sounds with each contraction. Griffin called the office of the doctor that worked out of Morristown Memorial Hospital, he got the machine and the number to call if a mother is in labor and dialed that number. The person answering the phone asked him a few questions and said the doctor would call us back.

When the doctor called it was after 2am. The contractions were coming closer together - every eight minutes or so. Griffin talked to him for a few minutes and it was decided to come into the hospital right away. Griffin called Judy again and she said she would meet us there. Griffin phoned his parents to let them know what was happening - there was no answer, so he left a message. We packed everything into Griffin's Ford Ranger and we were off at just after 3am.

The contractions were stronger still and closer still. He drove carefully and I moaned a kind of "uuuuuuuggggghhhh-oooooooo" sound with each one. I was trying to get onto all fours while wearing a seat belt. It was very awkward, I practically climbed into Griffin's lap. I think the contractions were about 7 or 6 minutes apart when we left our house and when we got to the hospital they were more like 5 minutes apart.

We parked in the garage and I walked as fast as I could until the next contraction hit. Griffin carried all of the bags and helped me walk. We went through the halls following the Labor Ward signs and when the next contraction struck, I veered off into a bathroom to sit on the toilet. It lasted a minute or so and I weakly washed up and we were off again. We made it to the nurse's desk and signed in. I growled through a contraction as they tried to find a room for us. It was a little before 4am and the contractions were 5 or even 4 minutes apart by then.

The nurse got us into a room, had me strip and put on a johnny, and give a urine sample. I have no idea how I did any of this. Griffin helped me through it. I got onto the bed and a nurse strapped on a fetal monitor belt. When the contraction came, I tried to flip over onto all fours and moan through it, the nurse tried flipping me back. We compromised on letting me lie on my side and press my face into Griffin's belly and make demonic noises.

Judy arrived and she and Griffin helped me labor. One nurse tried to get an IV in my arm while another one tried to take blood. Still another nurse came in to check the baby on ultrasound. Yes, she was still breech, footling breech now. Her two feet were aimed right for the exit ramp. I writhed on the bed in pain as the contractions came faster and harder. My head pounded. Everyone moved in slow motion. I cried that I felt like I needed to push. "Don't push!" they said. One nurse finally checked my dilation. Judy asked her what I was at. The rather confused looking nurse said 8 centimeters. I screamed I could feel the baby coming out. Everyone stood around like they were made of lead.

Finally Judy jumped into action: she reached inside me and felt around. She told them that my bag was bulging and she could feel a foot. She barked orders at people and everyone started to jump into action. The doctor finally showed up. The contractions were nearly on top of each other as they got me onto a gurney and wheeled me towards the operating room.

The anesthesiologist tried talking to me about what was going to happen. Nurses shaved me and strapped down my arms. They said there was no time for an epidural and that I needed to go under general anesthesia. I screamed that the baby was coming. A panicked nurse saw feet coming out of me still inside the sac. Someone yelled to push them back in. She grabbed Piper's feet and shoved them all the way back inside me. She must have had her whole hand in there stuffing Piper back in. Piper was almost born!

Finally the IV started giving me the general anesthesia and I was out like a light. The doctor made a huge, and possibly panicked, incision across my pelvis. The second one went from navel to pubic bone through my angry uterus. Piper was born for a second time at 4:21am.

When I woke up in recovery an hour later Judy was with me. She told me Griffin was with Piper and she was fine. (I am crying now just writing this. I was so relieved.) Judy started pestering the person in the recovery room to get the baby in here. Within a half an hour I got to hold my baby girl for the first time. Judy adjusted Piper and helped me feed her for the first time. It was like magic. I was instantly in love.

By 6am I was in my hospital room with my loving husband and my precious baby girl, Piper. We bonded and fell in love all over again. That morning I held and kissed her and stroked her every chance I got. As my grogginess wore off. I made sure that no one took her out of the room for anything. We didn't want her to have a bottle, formula, a pacifier and didn't want her sleeping in the nursery. She fed from my breast like we had been doing it forever. I told Griffin over and over how much I loved him and how much I loved Piper. I was on top of the world!

The next three days in the hospital were an adventure in and of themselves, but that will have to wait. I am off to hold my sweet baby girl, Piper Blue.

How Non-Conventional Can You Get?

38 weeks, 5 days.

There are many ways to spin a breech baby. Some seem obvious and straightforward - like having a doctor manipulate your baby and physically turn her around and some are a little less concrete. Well, as I found out, straightforward is not that simple, but there are other things that can be done, from logical to mystical, I am trying them all. Let's see, what have I done so far?

Inversions. This is pretty easy for most people to do, most non-pregnant people anyhow. An inversion is meant to get the baby's feet or butt out of your pelvis so she will be free to turn around. There are a variety of ways to do it, but simply put, you need to raise your hips 12 inches or more above your shoulders. I have done this while lying on an ironing board leaning against the couch, by piling up couch cushions and lying on them on the couch or floor and by kneeling on a chair and putting my hands and face on the floor. To some degree or another, they kick my heartburn in, so it is a bit uncomfortable to say the least. Nothing seems to happen, but Piper is not in pelvis, so that's something, I suppose.

Exercises. Pelvic tilts, cat stretches, crawling and rocking. I have been on my knees a lot, waving my butt around like a feline in heat. So much so, that my knees are getting sore. All of these exercises are supposed to be done when the baby is active, so at random moments during the day I leap off the couch, and crawl around on the floor like a bulldog with my hips higher than my shoulders. If anyone was watching me they would think I have serious problems, none of which having to do with a breech baby. I don't know if they are doing anything to help encourage Piper to turn, but my arms are getting rather shapely.

Hammock Belly. Either on my hands and knees or by trying to rest face-down in a pile of carefully placed pillows, I try to relax my belly and make it loose and free like a hammock for Piper. The idea is to get her to float around and allow her to turn, and again, I am supposed to do this when she is active. Every time she starts rolling around, I drop to my hands and knees and try to make the 'belly hammock', but it's like it scares her and she stops moving. As soon as I get up and resume what I was doing, she goes back to moving and kicking like it's some kind of game.

Acupuncture. The Chinese have been doing it for 3000 years, they must know something, right? Well, maybe. I have gone to 5 sessions with an acupuncture group located in Morristown, about 40 minutes from us. Now, I hate needles, fear and dread them, however, acupuncture is not like having a needle. They are fairly painless and if you don't ever look at them it's not bad at all. There is a point on the outside of the pinkie toe that, when stimulated, is supposed to encourage the baby to move into the vertex position. It gives you mild contractions and really wakes the spawn up. There are also a bunch of other spots that help increase blood flow, so they stuck me all over. I was surprised at how quickly she started reacting to the first session. Within five minutes of being turned into a human pincushion, Piper was kicking and flopping about. No spinning though.

Moxabustion. Along with the acupuncture, you can stimulate that point on the pinkie toe with what is essentially a giant incense stick. It gets very, very hot and you hold it near your toe to activate the point. This, even more so than the acupuncture got things moving. They acupuncturist gave me some to take home and and I instructed Griffin on how to do it to my toes. It really gets Piper moving and gives me long lasting contractions, but she hasn't gotten the idea yet.

Webster Technique. If I was skeptical about acupuncture, you could say I am downright dubious of chiropractors. Even when I had that terrible sciatica, I refused to see a chiropractor, I would rather suffer. It's funny what desperation will drive you to. For me, it drove me to Livingston! That's about 50 minutes from our home. At least I am smart enough to make back-to-back appointments. I would go to the chiro and then the acupuncturist. It made for a very long day. The chiropractor did 'tests' on my spine and told me that my pelvis and neck were out of whack. He wanted to 'adjust' both. I told him to forget about touching my neck. I was here simply for the baby stuff. The Webster Technique is supposed to help align and open to pelvis so the baby has room to turn. Nothing seemed to be happening, except that my wallet was becoming thinner with the $10 copays. The more I went there, the more I felt it was a waste of time. 5 sessions and I was done with him. Of course, they he thinks it is 'crucial' that I keep coming in, but honestly, my back is starting to hurt me!

Self-Hypnosis. I believe in the power of my brain. I can analyze and figure out complex problems, I can create works of art and I can write for hours on end, but can I use my brain to turn my baby? Well, I have been listening and participating along with a baby turning-self-hypnosis program. It is very relaxing and makes me lie still for 40 minutes. Part of the process is envisioning your baby turning and staying in the vertex position. I have a hard time with this because I can't picture Piper. She is still the giant squirrel that rolls around in my belly and kicks me. I am not good at picturing babies, but I have been trying. I will continue to do this until there is no time left. At least it is relaxing.

Swimming. Well, we live on a lake, but it is only May. After my last acupuncture session yesterday, I decided to force myself into the lake. I hate lakes, almost as much as I hate needles. I love to look at lakes, but swimming in them is revolting to me, but I am stubborn. So when I got home I put on a tankini that looked totally bizarre with my great, big pregnant belly and I walked down to our dock. There was green mucky algae floating in clumps and within minutes I was surrounded by dozens of hungry fish. The water was fairly clear and I could see the slimy rocks below the dock. I decided I needed my water shoes. So I went back in the house and got my Keens. Good thing my feet aren't swelling too much anymore; I got them on fairly easily. I marched back down to the dock, braced myself and climbed in. I half doggie-paddled, half breast stroked my way out into the lake. The breast stroke is supposed to encourage the baby to turn around. Swimming with Keens on isn't really easy, but it kept the fish from eating my feet. I did a bunch of laps until I was panting and climbed out, collapsing into the deck chair on the dock. It felt good despite the lake-ieness of it all. I will try to swim everyday now.

Mayan Abdominal Massage. Today, I start something new. This is supposed to help relax and open the uterus for the baby to turn. It's an ancient technique that has resurfaced in massage therapy. Didn't all of the Mayans mysteriously disappear? Anyhow. It's something else to try. Of course, I hate massages. At least ones from strangers. Having some random person touching and rubbing my bare skin is a little too personal for me, however, if it will prevent have some random person cut me open like a fillet-o-fish to get Piper out, I will give it a shot. My appointment is at 6:45 today, so I have lots of time to do all of my at home exercises.

Even if I don't get this baby to turn and end up the dreaded c-section, I really feel like I deserve a gold star for working so hard at trying to turn her so we can have the birth we envisioned. Yup, stick a great, bit gold star right on my forehead. Good try there, lady.

The Exciting (non) Conclusion

37 weeks, 3 days.

I wanted to write a triumphant entry on Thursday night about the wonders of medical science and how the doctors fixed my little right-side-up/up-side-down issue, but I couldn't. The external version failed. Well, in my mind, the doctor performing it failed.

Griffin and I arrived at Morristown Memorial Hospital a few minutes early; we seem to arrive everywhere a few minutes early. After driving around trying to find the proper entrance we just parked in the visitors lot. There is a lot of construction going on at the hospital and it looked like a battle zone. Griffin spotted the "Women's Services" entrance and we went in. The main desk was empty, so, we walked down one hall and then turned around and walked down another. It wasn't clear where to go. I felt like a rat in a maze.

We started to follow some printed signs for Labor and Delivery Admission. After what felt like an eternity we got to a security guard who let us into the 'ward'. I tried to check in at the desk and they all stared at me blankly when I told them I was here for a version. The nurses at the desk asked each other if there was a version scheduled. They looked a little like Keystone Cops running around digging through paperwork trying to figure out if I was scheduled. Finally, one of them found something and a nurse led us into the nicest hospital room I had ever seen.

Since we were in the Labor and Delivery Ward, I guess they have tried to make the rooms nicer. It was kind of like a new budget hotel room with lots of medical machines in the back with tons of wires running out of them. Of course the bed was a hospital bed, but it had a little rounded end that looked a little more comfy like a chase lounge. There was one chair, a stool and that was it for seating. Griffin plopped into the chair.

The nurse gave me a johnny to put on and told me to leave my underthings on. I got dressed and Griffin tied up my back. I rolled onto the bed. The nurse came back in, untied me and gave me a sheet. She wrapped a fetal monitor around my belly and set the machine to beep quietly.

Kasey, Judy's student midwife found us. Since there was no where else to sit, she climbed up on the stool. We chatted as the nurse went about setting things up and then left to check on where the doctor was.

We talked about how I hate to give blood or have IVs put in. My veins are skinny and deep in my elbow pits, and yet that's where they always start looking. I have become rather proactive about the whole thing and I tell the person trying to poke me that my hands are a much better place to look. I have strong hands with veins that pop out with very little effort. I can stand the pain of being poked there and it is usually done in one shot.

The nurse came in to start the IV and I gave her my usual speech about my skinny veins and how I would be happy to have her put the IV in the back of my hand. She told me she hates doing hands and tried to find a vein in my forearm. I don't know what she was looking at (I never watch when they are trying to do this), but she stuck me in the middle of my arm. She dig around a bit and then pulled the needle out.

She moved to the crook of my arm. Poked, dug, pulled out. Poked, dug, grunted, dug, wiggled and finally it was set. I turned to look at the IV and saw the furiously red blood running down my arm from the two first pokes. She tried to wipe it off, but it has started to coagulate already. She got some wet paper towels and wiped my arm clean and put two Band-aids on. She set the IV to drip saline.

A few minutes later a little man came into the room and announced he was going to need a couple of vials of blood. I cringed. I told him about my skinny veins and he just ignored me. He put on the tourniquet and started looking at the veins in the crook of my other arm. I sighed. I hate hospitals. He poked me once and started to dig. I felt the needle go in and out several times inside my arm. Looking, looking, looking. I was bound to spring a leak somewhere. Finally, he found something and got his two vials of blood. "That is going to bruise a bit," he told me. Do ya think? He gave me a Band-aid too.

Apparently, the doctor was running late because he had an 'emergency procedure'. C-section, I figured. The nurse left and the three of us chatted about all sorts of things. A couple of hours passed and I could hardly stand it anymore. I hadn't eaten since 9:30 the night before and I was getting the shakes. The nurse came back in and said the doctor is on his way. Yippee.

The OB came in with two other doctors in tow. Great. He questioned who Kasey was with a weird look on his face. They started up the ultrasound and jellied up my belly. He stood in front of me and pointed out all of Piper's anatomy. ". . . and here is her spine, can you see that?" he asked.

"The only thing I can see is your back." he turned and looked back at me and made a weak attempt to get out of my line of vision to the ultrasound screen. I was ready to just get this on. The nurse prepared to give me the 'medicine' that would stop my uterus from contracting while he worked on me. She gave me a shot in my arm! What the heck was the IV for?

Within a few minutes the doc and one of his lackies started the version. They pushed, twisted, grunted and dug into my belly. Oi. It hurt on the surface and felt weird and creepy inside. They were trying to get a hold of her head and butt and turn them around. Piper's head was stuffed so high into my ribs that he couldn't get a good grip. The doc talked about how he didn't want to bump the placenta, and yet he was spinning her head right for it. Why not go the other way then? I had to be reminded to breathe a couple of times.

The lackie was grunting and following directions. These two rough men were doing battle with my little girl. She was winning. My belly was suffering. After about 15 minutes he announced that this 'wasn't happening'. My skin was on fire. It felt like an Indian burn and I was sure it would bruise.

They turned on some lights to talk to us. Well, the florescents weren't done flickering before the words "scheduled c-section" came out of his mouth. I looked at him dumbly. He said he could get me on the schedule now and that it was better than just waiting until I was in labor and doing an emergency one. C-section? I was planning a home birth! He basically told us that if he couldn't turn her, she wouldn't turn and you can't have a vaginal breech birth. And then he looked at me rather queerly and asked, "Do you have insurance?"

"Yeah," I was dumbfounded. I wasn't prepared to schedule anything. I wanted to go home. And so we did. I called Judy, our midwife, on the way and told her what happened. She gave me the name of another OB and the phone number of the midwife from Uganda that does home breech deliveries. Judy told me if we go that route, she could not be there because the State doesn't allow certified nurse midwives to do them. I was shocked.

I was very sore by the time we got home and I collapsed in a chair. Griffin talked about everything. I was not happy about the prospect of a c-section. It is everything I don't want to have happen. Eventually, I cried it out. In the days since, I have been doing a lot of reading about turning a breech baby. There are other options and I intend to try them all. I will not give up.

Today I am going to see an acupuncturist. They have a treatment that encourages the baby to move into the vertex position. There is also a procedure I can do at home that they will teach me to do. I am waiting for a homeopathic treatment to arrive today as well. It is supposed to help relax the uterus and make it easier for the baby to turn.

Tomorrow we are going to meet with another OB, this one is a woman, who may agree to do a version for us. I have read the the external version should be done gently and in a massaging manner. Roughness and forcing is futile. (I'll say.) She is also one of the few OBs left that is willing to assist in a vaginal breech birth. Of course, I would have to do it in the hospital, but it seems like a compromise to me.

I will also schedule a (GASP) chiropractor appointment. There are a few chiros that do a procedure called the "Webster's Technique" which is supposed to help widen and loosen the pelvis as well as straighten a twisted uterus. That will be an act of desperation for me.

In addition, I have been doing exercises at home and lots of belly massage. In fact I have been able to move Piper around quite a bit. I am a little nervous about flipping her completely because that damn doctor put the thought in my head that maybe she won't go because she has her cord wrapped around her neck. It is highly unlikely. I really don't like doctors. So, this isn't a conclusion, but a continuation.

And I will leave it as "to be continued . . . "