Getting to Know You

Piper - 2 Weeks, 3 days

I knew that having a baby would change my life; change our lives, but I had no idea how profoundly it would affect me. Once we got Piper home from the hospital, I was in total control. Oh, sure, Griffin has some control, but it is minimal, after all, I am the source of food and knowledge.

Breastfeeding is supposed to be the best thing you can do for your child. Somehow, my breasts and my baby are in communication with each other. I have read that breast milk changes consistency and content as the baby needs. The beginning of the feeding is different from the end of the feeding. I can actually see this, too. The 'fore milk' is thin and watery. It helps hydrate the baby; as opposed to the 'hind milk' which flows after 10 minutes or so. That has lots of fat and is very filling; it is supposed to make the baby feel full and satisfied. I can see the difference in the appearance of the milk as it dribbles off her face, runs down my belly and drips everywhere.

My breasts are also in competition with each other. When I feed Piper on one side, the other side begins to drip. I think it is jealous. If I take Piper off for a moment to burp her in the middle of a feed, they both drip. Now the other one is mocking the unused one. Crybaby comes to mind. Of course all of this dripping means one thing to me - I will be smelling like spoiled milk in a few hours.

It doesn't matter that I stink like an old dairymaid - the only one who would notice is Piper and I think it makes me even more appealing to her. She can smell me when I walk into the room. Of course, this doesn't happen very often, because I don't get to leave the room without her too frequently.

When I was researching different opinions on how to raise and care for a baby, one of the things I came across was 'baby wearing'. Basically, keeping your child in a sling or carrier on your body for most of the day. The benefits really make sense - child cries less, feels safer in a more 'womb-like' environment, develops a deeper bond, and so on. I had purchased a carrier for both Griffin and me, but I have yet to successfully use it. Don't get me wrong, I will use it, but right now she is relatively small and light and it is just easier to tuck her into my arm and carry her around. I know this won't last.

I am also anti-bouncy-seat, baby swing and baby buckets (also known as infant car seats). Even though we have a baby, I don't want my house filled with baby crap. Oh, people tell me it will happen, I will be tripping over toys and baby junk in no time, but I am going to fight it. I am a minimalist.

Piper sleeps in a Moses basket. It is a beautifully constructed, slightly soft, reed basket with a thin mattress and cover on the inside. It seems to be pretty comfy for her and she sleeps in it just fine at night. I can get her to sleep in it during the day if she is really tired, but if there is any energy in her, she will cry and whimper until one of us rescues her. Piper is much happier sleeping when we hold her or at the very least when she is nestled on a pillow next to us - right next to us.

Griffin is still working, until July 1st, he tells me. And even though he is working from home most days, he is very busy and doesn't get to spend much time with Piper. Griffin also does all of the running around that I can't do. He has also had meetings for work, had to buy a family car and get rid of the truck, and our oil tank developed a leak (which we discovered the day we got home from the hospital) so there have been lots of people coming and going to work on that. All the while, it is just me and Piper, trying to cope with each other.

I have said it before and I will say it again, I am not a baby person. I love my baby, it's almost shocking to me how much I love her. She makes cute little noises when she sleeps and when she eats. She makes hilarious faces all day long that never cease to amuse me. And when she is sleeping and dead to the world in my arms, I am so happy to snuggle and cuddle her. I suffered through so much to get her it almost doesn't seem real. But, because I am not a baby person, I don't know what is 'normal' and what to worry about. I tend to err on the side of 'worry'.

This has been such an ongoing learning process for me. Initially, when she would cry, I would become alarmed and try everything in my power to get her to stop. This usually meant that I would be whipping out a boob to feed her - even if she was not hungry. Apparently, you can lead a baby to milk and make her drink. But now, I am starting to learn her cries and what they mean, so I can respond in a more helpful way.

Speaking of which. She is hungry now....