Who's Got That Voodoo Doll?

Many years ago I remember watching an episode of Gilligan's Island that had a crazy witchdoctor running around on the island. He made voodoo dolls of all of the castaways and would do evil things to the dolls and it would effect the person the doll was made for. I seem to remember him jabbing pins into one of the dolls and that person having excruciating pain on their body in the exact the spot that the witchdoctor pricked on the doll. The person had no idea where the pain was coming from and was shocked with agony at the most inconvenient moments. It was funny at the time.

I am now wondering who has made a voodoo doll of me. Who have I slighted so badly that they are compelled to stick pins in a cursed doll made in my image? Gosh, it could be so many people! Being a teacher for 12 years, I am sure I have made a few students angry. I have also purposely driven slow too driving someone nuts. There was a time when I even said painfully truthful things to people with total disregard for their feelings. It could be just about anyone.

The shocking and now debilitating pain I am experiencing is in my butt; my left cheek to be specific. Some might call the pain sciatica, some might call it pelvic girdle syndrome, I call it one big pain in the ass.

It started almost two weeks ago. Every time I would bend at the waist to pick something up I would get a shooting pain from my lower back into my left butt cheek. I started bending at the knees to pick things up and it prevented the pain from striking me. I thought I had this all figured out.

The pain started to hit me when I bent even slightly at the waist, the position I often take when I helping at student with something at school. They ask me to look at something, they are sitting at a table, I walk over, bend to look and WHAMMO! Pain in my ass. Okay, no more bending at the waist.

I started sitting on a chair with wheels and rolling from student to student to help them. It looks a little silly, but the expression I was making as the searing pain coursed through my ass cheek was far more ridiculous. At home it is a little more difficult to wheel around, so I was just trying to watch my posture and avoid bending. I never realized how often I need to bend during the day.

The pain, being a clever nemisis, found a new way to attack me, it's called 'one false move'. Virtually any movement now that involves bending, twisting, stooping, crouching, leaning, crossing my legs, or breathing sends a variety of pains into my already sore fanny. I have begun to limp around, favoring my left leg. I am the Hunch-Belly of Lake Mohawk.

My face, normally filled with the joyful glow of a successful pregnancy, is now masked with a miserable grimace. This pain is ruining my chances of getting more compliments about how great I look. People are starting to notice my expression of ass-horror. They look a bit worried.

I have been looking around online to find a cure or solution to my problem. A pregnancy back brace seemed to help a lot of people, so I ordered one. It came by FedEx today, and I am looking at it now with fingers crossed. Of course, I couldn't put it on as soon as I got home because today is my day for my progesterone injection. The brace would cover the spot that I get the injection and I would have to take it off anyhow.

Well, my visiting nurse has come and gone and I got my shot. She alternates sides each week and it figures, today was my left side. Man did that hurt! I am so tired of being in pain, but I have been told it will get worse before it gets better. Great.

For those of you who were wondering why I hadn't blogged in such a long time and if everything was okay, well there you go, the past week and a half have been a pain in the ass. I haven't had the energy to sit and write, don't really have it now, but the school nurse convinced me to take tomorrow off and sit on the couch all day - so that gave me a little lift.

And if you are out there, somewhere, in cyberspace with a voodoo doll of me with a bunch of pins in the butt, please have mercy! Stick me if you must, but switch to the other cheek for a while. Please!